Recycling

[Henry J]

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.

He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."

Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."

Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."

Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win.

Charles

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[lswot]

...

[Henry J]

Military Jokes

During basic army training, a sergeant was telling his group how a submachine gun sprayed bullets. He drew a circle on a blackboard and announced that it had 260 degree.

"But, sergeant, all circles have 360 degrees," called out a conscript.

"Don't be stupid," the sergeant roared. "This is a small circle."

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Q: Eschew obfuscation!

A: Gesundheit.

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[lswot]

Doesn't pay to be ignorant unless you can show it.

[Henry J]

Like Sgt. Schultz? He knows nothink!

[lswot]

Yeah, something like that.....

[Henry J]

Copied from another BB:

I have a friend who is president of his homeowner's association down in Washington. They are having a terrible problem with trash on the side of the road that is around his association's homes. The reason according to Wallace (my friend) is, there are being built just next to them, six new homes... big ones! Wallace said the trash is coming from the Mexican work crews working at the construction sites. (McDonald bags, Burger King trash, etc). He has pleaded with the site supervisors and the general contractor to no avail, called the City, County, and the Police and got no help. So... guess what some people in his community did...

They organized about twenty folks, named themselves the "Inner Neighborhood Services" to go out at lunch time and "police" the trash themselves. It is what they did while picking up the trash that is HILARIOUS !!!!!!!!

They got some navy blue baseball caps and had the initials "INS" in gold put on the caps. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, however, to understand what they hoped people would think it means.

Well, the day after their first pick up detail, with them wearing their caps and some carrying cameras, 46 out of 68, of the construction workers did not show up for work the next morning!!!!!!!!... and haven't come back yet!!!!! It has been ten days.

Now the General Contractor, I understand is madder than hell, but can't say anything publicly, because he could be busted for hiring "illegal aliens". Wallace and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating INS folks, because they have on their home owner association records the vote to form the new committee within their association, plus they informed the INS about what they were doing in advance, and the INS said basically according to Wallace... "Have at it"!

SO FOLKS, I THINK YOU COULD SAY THAT YANKEE INGENUITY TRIUMPHS AGAIN!!!!!!!

Charles

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[Henry J]

The guide pointed to a large mansion as the city tour bus slowed down and said, "This beautiful home was built by a famous psychiatrist."

"If you look closely, you will see that the entire porch is done in overwrought iron."

It's elementary! Or something. But let us not compound the issue.

[Henry J]

Business Jokes

"How long have you been working here?" one employee asked to another.

"Ever since the boss threatened to fire me."

(Is that like that old saying about all play and no work? )

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[lswot]

Is'nt it all play and no work makes everyone happy?


Sounds right to me.......

[Henry J]

Military Jokes

The new army recruit was serving his first guard duty. He did his best for a while but about 5 a.m. he went to sleep. When he opened his eyes he found the day officer standing before him. Remembering the stiff penalty for being asleep on guard duty, this clever young man kept his head bowed for another moment, then looked upward and reverently said, "A-a-a-men!"

(So he was religious about staying alert? )

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[Henry J]

Marriage Jokes

A wife concern with her husband's driving said; 'Dear, aren't you driving a little too fast?"

Her husband replied, "Don't you believe in a guardian angel? He will take care of us".

His wife said: "Yes, I do. But I am afraid we left him miles back!"

(But at least the guard wasn't asleep at the post! )

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[Henry J]

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went fishing.

(Sounds like she used the wrong bait? )

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[lswot]

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went fishing.

(Sounds like she used the wrong bait? )

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Uh, yeah........

[Henry J]

Computer Jokes

First friend: "I am getting so tired of having to wade through so much Spam e-mail. Every time I sign on to get my e-mail I have to discard 20 Spam messages."

Second friend: "I used to be in exactly the same situation: 20 Spam messages every time I signed on. But I solved that. Now I only get ONE every time I sign on."

First friend: "That's terrific. How did you do that?"

Second friend: "I sign on 20 times more."

(Although, I'm not sure I see the point of that, er, strategy? )