Subject: Classic Quotes (2 of 5)
"A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution?? I sent them to her dad."
* Christopher Case
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
* Bob Ettinger
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
* Dick Cavett
"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one? Don't eat pork? God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?"
* Jon Stewart
Recycling
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Henry J
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Re: Recycling
Subject: Classic Quotes (3 of 5)
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
* Conan O'Brien
"When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other."
* Rita Rudner
"I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a Congressman."
* Bruce Baum
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
* David Letterman
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
* Conan O'Brien
"When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other."
* Rita Rudner
"I don't know what's wrong with my television set. I was getting C-Span and the Home Shopping Network on the same station. I actually bought a Congressman."
* Bruce Baum
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
* David Letterman
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
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Re: Recycling
Subject: Classic Quotes (4 of 5)
"It was a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners."
* Jeff Stilson
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
* Sue Murphy
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you."
* Rita Mae Brown
[But, does that mean the 4th one doesn't have it, or that they're enjoying it?]
"It was a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners."
* Jeff Stilson
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
* Sue Murphy
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you."
* Rita Mae Brown
[But, does that mean the 4th one doesn't have it, or that they're enjoying it?]
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
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Re: Recycling
Subject: Classic Quotes (5 of 5)
"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.' "
* Jerry Seinfeld
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner."
* Lynda Montgomery
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
* Johnny Carson
"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"
* Will Rogers (1879-1935)
"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.' "
* Jerry Seinfeld
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner."
* Lynda Montgomery
"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."
* Johnny Carson
"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"
* Will Rogers (1879-1935)
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
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- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Signs That You've Had TOO MUCH Of The 90's
* You try to enter your password on the microwave.
* You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
* You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
* You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, he E-Mails you back "What's for dinner?"
* Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
* You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
* You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your E-Mail buddies via a Web page.
* Your daughter just bought on CD all the records your college roommate used to play that you most despised.
* Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen.
* You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.
* The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.
* Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
* Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
* You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.
* You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet.
* Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
* You hear most of your jokes via E-Mail instead of in person.
Author Unknown
------
* You try to enter your password on the microwave.
* You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
* You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
* You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, he E-Mails you back "What's for dinner?"
* Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
* You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
* You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your E-Mail buddies via a Web page.
* Your daughter just bought on CD all the records your college roommate used to play that you most despised.
* Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen.
* You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.
* The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is foreign to you.
* Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
* Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
* You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.
* You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet.
* Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
* You hear most of your jokes via E-Mail instead of in person.
Author Unknown
------
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Henry J
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Re: Recycling
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.
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Henry J
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- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Southern Computer Glossary (1/4)
Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
Bar Code - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick
Byte - What your pitbull dun to cusin Jethro
Cache - Needed when you run out of food stamps
Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
Bar Code - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick
Byte - What your pitbull dun to cusin Jethro
Cache - Needed when you run out of food stamps
Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
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- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Southern Computer Glossary (2/4)
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker
Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers
Diskette - Female Disco dancer
Fax - What you lie about to the IRS
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker
Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers
Diskette - Female Disco dancer
Fax - What you lie about to the IRS
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
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- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Southern Computer Glossary (3/4)
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tatoos
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
Megahertz - How your head feels after 17 beers
Modem - What ya do when the grass gets too high
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tatoos
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
Megahertz - How your head feels after 17 beers
Modem - What ya do when the grass gets too high
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Southern Computer Glossary (4/4)
Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
Serial Port - A red wine you drink with breakfast
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear
Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
Serial Port - A red wine you drink with breakfast
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Subject: Fwd: Results of a contest for "theories" sponsored by Omni
GRAND PRIZE WINNER
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
RUNNERS-UP:
#1 If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.
#2 Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.
#3 Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.
#4 The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
HONORABLE MENTION:
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
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GRAND PRIZE WINNER
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
RUNNERS-UP:
#1 If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.
#2 Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.
#3 Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.
#4 The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.
HONORABLE MENTION:
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."
-----
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
Subject: Telemarketing
How to Handle Telemarketers
If you're like most people, and most people are, you resent telemarketers calling you at home trying to sell you something. And it probably irritates you that they seem invariably to call at dinner time. I used to wonder why they would do that, knowing they were only irritating people who would then be less likely to buy what they're selling. A friend of mine who once worked as a telemarketer explained it to me.
"When do you expect us to call?" he said.
"At 2 in the afternoon, when nobody's home?"
That would be nice. But I guess it wouldn't be too profitable. Anyway, since they seem to be a fact of life these days, I thought I'd make the best of it and try to have a little fun with them. At first, I would just let them go through their entire spiel, then say, "I'm sorry, I'm hard of hearing. Would you repeat that?" I'd do that several times until they finally caught on and hung up. One of them got really irritated after repeating his pitch three times and snapped, "You're just wasting my time."
"I guess that makes us even,"
I said. But that got old after a while. Besides, it took too long. And in addition to that, my telemarketer friend told me that a lot of the folks who do this for a living can't do anything else. So I felt kind of bad for wasting their time. (OK, I didn't feel REAL bad, but I stopped doing it.)
So that's how I stumbled upon a new hobby. It's fun, entertaining, and it's an exercise in thinking quickly. Here's what you do. Whenever a telemarketer calls, try to come up, on the spot, with a spiel of your own that will disarm the caller and, if possible, maybe even entertain him or her a bit. The following are genuine examples. (And, as Dave Barry says, I swear I am not making these up.)
The phone rings.
"Hello, is this Michael Owen?"
Yes.
"Hello, Mr. Owen, my name is Brenda and I'm with MCI. How are you today?"
Fine, and you?
"I'm fine, Mr. Owen. Does anyone in your home make long-distance telephone calls?"
"No."
"No one?"
Nope.
"Well, do you receive a lot of collect calls?"
No.
"Not many?"
Nope. None.
"You don't make ANY long distance calls or receive ANY collect calls?"
No, m'am. You see, I belong to the Seventh-Day B'nai Antioch church, and my religion strictly forbids me from using the telephone at all.
(pause)
"Uh, Mr. Owen, you're using the phone right now."
(pause)
OH MY GOD! SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE! OH MY GOD!
Click.
You get the idea?
"Hello, this is Christi with Rollin' Hills photography studio. Would you be interested in a free family portrait?"
No, thank you.
"Not even for free?"
No, ma'am. You see, my brother is a staff photographer for National Geographic, and he does all our portraits for us for free.
"Really? That's nice."
Yes m'am, it is. Of course, we have to take off all our clothes and squat naked around a camp fire for him to do it-so you can imagine what our Christmas cards look like - but hey, they're free.
Click.
"Hello, is this Mike Owen?"
Yep.
"Mr. Owen, I am authorized to offer you a week's stay at a fabulous resort if you and your fami ..."
Not interested, thank you.
"Mr. Owen, it's free, if you and your ..."
'Scuse me, sir, but you see, my Uncle Horatio Hilton owns all the Hilton Hotels in the United States.
(I swear to God he then said:)
"So ... uh, I guess you get a discount, huh?"
Yeah.
Click.
--------------
"Hello, is this Mr. Owen?"
Yo.
"How would you like to make big bucks in your spare time?"
No thanks, I'm rich as hell.
Click.
--------------
You get the idea.
Now, before all you telephone sales folks get bent out of shape and write me nasty letters (or put me on some special "call him 10 times a day" list)
I want you to know I have a great deal of respect for sales people in general. Much of the stuff I buy, I buy from sales people. Some of my best friends are sales people. I would be proud for my daughter to marry a sales person. (Then HE could pay to fix her car.) In fact, I had an entertaining experience with a salesperson the other day; it just wasn't on the phone. A young lad was selling those chocolate bars that schools use to raise funds.
He asked if I'd like to buy one and I said sure, why not, pulled out a buck and handed it to him.
"What's the money for?" I asked.
He looked at me like I was a fool and said, "For the candy bar."
I guess I deserved that.
-----------------
Subject: Telephone Intelligence
My uncle Jerry just told us his latest response when they call to get him to switch long distance services.
He says, "I don't have a phone."
They usually say "Oh. I'm sorry." and hang up.
----------------------
How to Handle Telemarketers
If you're like most people, and most people are, you resent telemarketers calling you at home trying to sell you something. And it probably irritates you that they seem invariably to call at dinner time. I used to wonder why they would do that, knowing they were only irritating people who would then be less likely to buy what they're selling. A friend of mine who once worked as a telemarketer explained it to me.
"When do you expect us to call?" he said.
"At 2 in the afternoon, when nobody's home?"
That would be nice. But I guess it wouldn't be too profitable. Anyway, since they seem to be a fact of life these days, I thought I'd make the best of it and try to have a little fun with them. At first, I would just let them go through their entire spiel, then say, "I'm sorry, I'm hard of hearing. Would you repeat that?" I'd do that several times until they finally caught on and hung up. One of them got really irritated after repeating his pitch three times and snapped, "You're just wasting my time."
"I guess that makes us even,"
I said. But that got old after a while. Besides, it took too long. And in addition to that, my telemarketer friend told me that a lot of the folks who do this for a living can't do anything else. So I felt kind of bad for wasting their time. (OK, I didn't feel REAL bad, but I stopped doing it.)
So that's how I stumbled upon a new hobby. It's fun, entertaining, and it's an exercise in thinking quickly. Here's what you do. Whenever a telemarketer calls, try to come up, on the spot, with a spiel of your own that will disarm the caller and, if possible, maybe even entertain him or her a bit. The following are genuine examples. (And, as Dave Barry says, I swear I am not making these up.)
The phone rings.
"Hello, is this Michael Owen?"
Yes.
"Hello, Mr. Owen, my name is Brenda and I'm with MCI. How are you today?"
Fine, and you?
"I'm fine, Mr. Owen. Does anyone in your home make long-distance telephone calls?"
"No."
"No one?"
Nope.
"Well, do you receive a lot of collect calls?"
No.
"Not many?"
Nope. None.
"You don't make ANY long distance calls or receive ANY collect calls?"
No, m'am. You see, I belong to the Seventh-Day B'nai Antioch church, and my religion strictly forbids me from using the telephone at all.
(pause)
"Uh, Mr. Owen, you're using the phone right now."
(pause)
OH MY GOD! SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE! OH MY GOD!
Click.
You get the idea?
"Hello, this is Christi with Rollin' Hills photography studio. Would you be interested in a free family portrait?"
No, thank you.
"Not even for free?"
No, ma'am. You see, my brother is a staff photographer for National Geographic, and he does all our portraits for us for free.
"Really? That's nice."
Yes m'am, it is. Of course, we have to take off all our clothes and squat naked around a camp fire for him to do it-so you can imagine what our Christmas cards look like - but hey, they're free.
Click.
"Hello, is this Mike Owen?"
Yep.
"Mr. Owen, I am authorized to offer you a week's stay at a fabulous resort if you and your fami ..."
Not interested, thank you.
"Mr. Owen, it's free, if you and your ..."
'Scuse me, sir, but you see, my Uncle Horatio Hilton owns all the Hilton Hotels in the United States.
(I swear to God he then said:)
"So ... uh, I guess you get a discount, huh?"
Yeah.
Click.
--------------
"Hello, is this Mr. Owen?"
Yo.
"How would you like to make big bucks in your spare time?"
No thanks, I'm rich as hell.
Click.
--------------
You get the idea.
Now, before all you telephone sales folks get bent out of shape and write me nasty letters (or put me on some special "call him 10 times a day" list)
I want you to know I have a great deal of respect for sales people in general. Much of the stuff I buy, I buy from sales people. Some of my best friends are sales people. I would be proud for my daughter to marry a sales person. (Then HE could pay to fix her car.) In fact, I had an entertaining experience with a salesperson the other day; it just wasn't on the phone. A young lad was selling those chocolate bars that schools use to raise funds.
He asked if I'd like to buy one and I said sure, why not, pulled out a buck and handed it to him.
"What's the money for?" I asked.
He looked at me like I was a fool and said, "For the candy bar."
I guess I deserved that.
-----------------
Subject: Telephone Intelligence
My uncle Jerry just told us his latest response when they call to get him to switch long distance services.
He says, "I don't have a phone."
They usually say "Oh. I'm sorry." and hang up.
----------------------
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
------
HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2 Name it "Housework"
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
7. Feel better?
------
Other possible strategies:
"I just came over to say that when the urge to clean comes upon me, I lay down until it passes."
or:
"I take off my glasses."
or:
"I sweep the room with a glance."
------
HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2 Name it "Housework"
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"
6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....
7. Feel better?
------
Other possible strategies:
"I just came over to say that when the urge to clean comes upon me, I lay down until it passes."
or:
"I take off my glasses."
or:
"I sweep the room with a glance."
------
-
Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. [Was he Mike Biggs?]
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" [Yeah, there's probably a hole in that suggestion.]
------
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. [Was he Mike Biggs?]
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" [Yeah, there's probably a hole in that suggestion.]
------
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Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
Re: Recycling
(We take you now to the Oval Office and the conversation between George Bush and Condi Rice.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
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<signature> Woodsey
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George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
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<signature> Woodsey
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