Recycling

[Henry J]

The universal translator in Star Trek worked on dogs but it was only a ruff translation.

[Henry J]

Q: What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
A: People of Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but people of Abu Dhabi do!

[Henry J]

How do you spell cow with 14 letters?
See oh double you

[Henry J]

I got bit by a rabbit. I guess you could say I was having a bad hare day.

[Henry J]

Why do clowns wake up with stiff necks? They always sleep funny

[Henry J]

What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna 1 ... Anna 2

[Henry J]

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

A: A stick.

[Henry J]

Did you hear about the two attorneys who quit their practice and opened a Japanese restaurant?

They called it "Sosumi."

[Henry J]

Dr. Dolittle talked to the animals.

Except for chickens - he avoided fowl language.

[Henry J]

Things your Father might NOT have told you... (1/5)

1. We are born Naked, Wet, and Hungry, and then get slapped on the butt. And then things get worse...
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. When was the last time you checked your oil?
3. Do not walk behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk in front of me for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone...

[Henry J]

Things your Father might NOT have told you... (2/5)

4. Always remember that You Are Unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think that no one cares if you are alive, just try missing a few car payments.

[Henry J]

Things your Father might NOT have told you... (3/5)

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.
8. If you lend someone $20 and then never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
9. Some days you are the Bug... Some days you are the Windshield...

[Henry J]

Things your Father might NOT have told you... (4/5)

10. Duct Tape is a lot like the Force (i.e. Star Wars). It has a Light side and a Dark side, and it holds the Universe together.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. There is a fine line between Hobby and Mental Illness.

[Henry J]

Things your Father might NOT have told you... (5/5)

13. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
14. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
15. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

[Henry J]

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.
That's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.