....And again!Xjmt wrote:
Recycling
-
Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
*****
Maternity Clothes Shop:
We are open on labor day.
Non-smoking area:
If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
On a Maternity Room Door:
"Push, Push, Push"
On a Front Door:
Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.
Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
The Electric Company:
We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
Beauty Shop:
Dye now!
Garbage Truck:
We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Computer Store:
Out for a quick byte
Diner Window:
Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.
Music Library:
Bach in a minuet.
*****
Henry
Maternity Clothes Shop:
We are open on labor day.
Non-smoking area:
If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
On a Maternity Room Door:
"Push, Push, Push"
On a Front Door:
Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.
Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
The Electric Company:
We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be.
Beauty Shop:
Dye now!
Garbage Truck:
We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Computer Store:
Out for a quick byte
Diner Window:
Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.
Music Library:
Bach in a minuet.
*****
Henry
-
lswot
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:13710
- Joined:Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
- Location:California
Xjmt wrote:
If men had boobs would they protect them like they protect......um..other parts of their body?
If a man says something in a forest and no ones there are they still wrong?
Can men walk and talk and chew gum at the same time?
Being a Woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men. (Joseph Conrad.....a MAN.....
)
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
-
brian
- Site Admin
- Posts:8328
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 8:07 am
- Location:Orlando, Florida
- Contact:
-
Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
*****
If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.
Lin Yutang
*****
For those of you who aren't familiar with tornadoes and are hearing news coverage of this, here is a short glossary to help you understand.
Fujita Scale: Scale used to measure wind speeds of a tornado and their severity.
F1: Laughable little string of wind unless it comes through your house, then enough to make your insurance company drop you like a brick. People enjoy standing on their porches to watch this kind.
F2: Strong enough to blow your car into your house, unless of course you drive an Expedition and live in a mobile home, then strong enough to blow your house into your car.
F3: Will pick your house and your Expedition up and move you to the other side of town.
F4: Usually ranging from 1/2 to a full mile wide, this tornado can turn an Expedition into a Pinto, then gift wrap it in a semi truck.
F5: The Mother of all Tornadoes, you might as well stand on your front porch and watch it, because it's probably going to be quite a last sight.
Meteorologist: A rather soft-spoken, mild-mannered type person until severe weather strikes, and they start yelling at you through the t.v.: "GET TO YOUR BATHROOM OR YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!"
Storm Chaser: Meteorologist-rejects who are pretty much insane but get us really cool pictures of tornadoes. We release them from the mental institution every time it starts thundering, just to see what they'll do.
Tranquilizer: What you have to give any dog or cat who lived through the May 3rd, 1999 tornado every time it storms or they tear your whole house up freaking out of their minds.
Moore, Oklahoma: A favorite gathering place for tornadoes. They like to meet here and do a little partying before stretching out across the rest of the Midwest.
Bathtub: Best place to seek shelter in the middle of a tornado, mostly because after you're covered with debris, you can quickly wash off and come out looking great.
Severe Weather Radio: A handy device that sends out messages from the National Weather Service during a storm, though quite disconcerting because the high pitched, shrill noise just as an alarm sounds suspiciously just like a tornado. Plus the guy reading the report just sounds creepy.
Tornado Siren: A system the city spent millions to install, which is really useful, unless there's a storm or a tornado, because then of course you can't hear them.
Storm Cellar: A great place to go during a tornado, as it is almost 100% safe, though weigh your options carefully, as most are not cared for and are homes to rats and snakes.
May-June: Tourist season in Oklahoma, when people who are tired of bungee jumping and diving out of airplanes decide it might be fun to chase a tornado. These people usually end up on Fear Factor.
Barometric Pressure: Nobody really knows what this is, but when it drops a lot of pregnant women go into labor, which makes for exciting moments as their husbands are trying to drive them to the hospital and dodge tornadoes at the same time.
Cars: The worst place to be during a tornado (next to a mobile home). Yes, you can out run a tornado in your car...unless everybody on the road decides to do the same thing, and then you're in grid lock.
A Ditch: Supposedly where you're supposed to go if you find yourself without shelter or in your car during a tornado. Theoretically the tornado is supposed to pass right over you, but since it can lift a 20 ton truck and up root a three hundred year old tree, I'd bet my life on out-running it in a car.
Mobile Home: Most people are convinced mobile homes send off some strange signal that triggers tornadoes, because if there's one mobile home park in a hundred mile radius, the tornado will find it.
Earthquake: What any Californian would rather go through on any scale of severity than face a tornado.
Tornado: What any Oklahoman would rather go through on any scale of severity than face an earthquake.
Twister: Slang for 'tornado' and also the title to a movie starring Helen Hunt, which incidentally everyone thought was corny and unrealistic until May 3rd, 1999.
Power Flash: One of the most reliable ways to track a tornado at night, it's the term used when the tornado hits a power line and a bright light flashes. It's also the emotion experienced by meteorologists when they get to make the call to interrupt prime-time must-see t.v. and a million dollars worth of advertising to track a storm for viewers.
Here are some phrases you might want to learn and be familiar with:
"We'll have your electricity restored in 24 hours," which means it'll be a week.
"We're going to be out for a week, so buy a lot of supplies and an expensive generator," means it's going to be on in twelve hours, probably as soon as you return from Wal-Mart.
"It's a little muggy today." Get outta town. It's getting ready to storm.
"There's just a slight chance of severe weather today, so go ahead and make your outdoor plans." Ha. Ha ha ha ha.
And dont forget this BIG TIP of the day:
When your electricity goes out, and you go to bed at night, be sure to turn off everything that was on before it went out, or when it is unexpectedly restored in the middle of the night, every light, every computer, your dishwasher, your blow dryer, your washing machine, your microwave and your fans will all come on all at once.
1) You'll just about have a heart attack when they all come on at the same time, waking you from a dead sleep.
And 2) Your breakers will blow, leaving you in the dark once again.
*****
Henry
If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.
Lin Yutang
*****
For those of you who aren't familiar with tornadoes and are hearing news coverage of this, here is a short glossary to help you understand.
Fujita Scale: Scale used to measure wind speeds of a tornado and their severity.
F1: Laughable little string of wind unless it comes through your house, then enough to make your insurance company drop you like a brick. People enjoy standing on their porches to watch this kind.
F2: Strong enough to blow your car into your house, unless of course you drive an Expedition and live in a mobile home, then strong enough to blow your house into your car.
F3: Will pick your house and your Expedition up and move you to the other side of town.
F4: Usually ranging from 1/2 to a full mile wide, this tornado can turn an Expedition into a Pinto, then gift wrap it in a semi truck.
F5: The Mother of all Tornadoes, you might as well stand on your front porch and watch it, because it's probably going to be quite a last sight.
Meteorologist: A rather soft-spoken, mild-mannered type person until severe weather strikes, and they start yelling at you through the t.v.: "GET TO YOUR BATHROOM OR YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!"
Storm Chaser: Meteorologist-rejects who are pretty much insane but get us really cool pictures of tornadoes. We release them from the mental institution every time it starts thundering, just to see what they'll do.
Tranquilizer: What you have to give any dog or cat who lived through the May 3rd, 1999 tornado every time it storms or they tear your whole house up freaking out of their minds.
Moore, Oklahoma: A favorite gathering place for tornadoes. They like to meet here and do a little partying before stretching out across the rest of the Midwest.
Bathtub: Best place to seek shelter in the middle of a tornado, mostly because after you're covered with debris, you can quickly wash off and come out looking great.
Severe Weather Radio: A handy device that sends out messages from the National Weather Service during a storm, though quite disconcerting because the high pitched, shrill noise just as an alarm sounds suspiciously just like a tornado. Plus the guy reading the report just sounds creepy.
Tornado Siren: A system the city spent millions to install, which is really useful, unless there's a storm or a tornado, because then of course you can't hear them.
Storm Cellar: A great place to go during a tornado, as it is almost 100% safe, though weigh your options carefully, as most are not cared for and are homes to rats and snakes.
May-June: Tourist season in Oklahoma, when people who are tired of bungee jumping and diving out of airplanes decide it might be fun to chase a tornado. These people usually end up on Fear Factor.
Barometric Pressure: Nobody really knows what this is, but when it drops a lot of pregnant women go into labor, which makes for exciting moments as their husbands are trying to drive them to the hospital and dodge tornadoes at the same time.
Cars: The worst place to be during a tornado (next to a mobile home). Yes, you can out run a tornado in your car...unless everybody on the road decides to do the same thing, and then you're in grid lock.
A Ditch: Supposedly where you're supposed to go if you find yourself without shelter or in your car during a tornado. Theoretically the tornado is supposed to pass right over you, but since it can lift a 20 ton truck and up root a three hundred year old tree, I'd bet my life on out-running it in a car.
Mobile Home: Most people are convinced mobile homes send off some strange signal that triggers tornadoes, because if there's one mobile home park in a hundred mile radius, the tornado will find it.
Earthquake: What any Californian would rather go through on any scale of severity than face a tornado.
Tornado: What any Oklahoman would rather go through on any scale of severity than face an earthquake.
Twister: Slang for 'tornado' and also the title to a movie starring Helen Hunt, which incidentally everyone thought was corny and unrealistic until May 3rd, 1999.
Power Flash: One of the most reliable ways to track a tornado at night, it's the term used when the tornado hits a power line and a bright light flashes. It's also the emotion experienced by meteorologists when they get to make the call to interrupt prime-time must-see t.v. and a million dollars worth of advertising to track a storm for viewers.
Here are some phrases you might want to learn and be familiar with:
"We'll have your electricity restored in 24 hours," which means it'll be a week.
"We're going to be out for a week, so buy a lot of supplies and an expensive generator," means it's going to be on in twelve hours, probably as soon as you return from Wal-Mart.
"It's a little muggy today." Get outta town. It's getting ready to storm.
"There's just a slight chance of severe weather today, so go ahead and make your outdoor plans." Ha. Ha ha ha ha.
And dont forget this BIG TIP of the day:
When your electricity goes out, and you go to bed at night, be sure to turn off everything that was on before it went out, or when it is unexpectedly restored in the middle of the night, every light, every computer, your dishwasher, your blow dryer, your washing machine, your microwave and your fans will all come on all at once.
1) You'll just about have a heart attack when they all come on at the same time, waking you from a dead sleep.
And 2) Your breakers will blow, leaving you in the dark once again.
*****
Henry
-
Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
*****
If you are going to do something wrong at least enjoy it.
Leo Rosten
*****
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
*****
I am what I am, said Abraham.
To do is to desire, said Siddharta.
I will do it, said Jesus.
Do it or die, said Mohammed.
To be or not to be, said Shakespeare.
To do is to be, said Nietzsche.
To be is to do, said Sartre.
Do be do be do, said Sinatra.
Yaba daba doo, said Flintstone.
*****
I yam what I yam, said Popeye.
*****
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted.
*****
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
*****
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
*****
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
*****
Henry
If you are going to do something wrong at least enjoy it.
Leo Rosten
*****
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
*****
I am what I am, said Abraham.
To do is to desire, said Siddharta.
I will do it, said Jesus.
Do it or die, said Mohammed.
To be or not to be, said Shakespeare.
To do is to be, said Nietzsche.
To be is to do, said Sartre.
Do be do be do, said Sinatra.
Yaba daba doo, said Flintstone.
*****
I yam what I yam, said Popeye.
*****
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted.
*****
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
*****
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
*****
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
*****
Henry
-
Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
*****
Dear Tide:
I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it since the beginning of married life, when my Mom told me it was the best.
In fact, about a month ago, while at my mother-in-law's house, I spilled some red wine on my new white shirt. She started to berate me about my drinking problem. One thing lead to another and I ended up with a lot of her blood on my white shirt, as well.
I tried to get the stain out using her bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. On my way home, I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the DNA tests were negative!
I thank you, once again, for a great product.
Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.
*****
Henry
Dear Tide:
I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it since the beginning of married life, when my Mom told me it was the best.
In fact, about a month ago, while at my mother-in-law's house, I spilled some red wine on my new white shirt. She started to berate me about my drinking problem. One thing lead to another and I ended up with a lot of her blood on my white shirt, as well.
I tried to get the stain out using her bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. On my way home, I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the DNA tests were negative!
I thank you, once again, for a great product.
Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.
*****
Henry
-
Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
*****
One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.
Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor.
After the doctor listened to the father all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area.
When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full.
"Here's the problem," the doctor said. "He needs a change."
The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 pounds!"
*****
A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom had been proudly displayed for all to see.
One morning while getting ready for the day, he bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D.
"Look what I spelled, Mom!" with a proud smile on his face.
"That's wonderful!" his mom praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight."
The mom happily thought that her son's religious education was certainly having an impact.
Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen: "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla'?"
*****
Henry
One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.
Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby wouldn't stop crying. Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor.
After the doctor listened to the father all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby's ears, chest and then down to the diaper area.
When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full.
"Here's the problem," the doctor said. "He needs a change."
The father was very perplexed, "But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 pounds!"
*****
A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom had been proudly displayed for all to see.
One morning while getting ready for the day, he bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D.
"Look what I spelled, Mom!" with a proud smile on his face.
"That's wonderful!" his mom praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight."
The mom happily thought that her son's religious education was certainly having an impact.
Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen: "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla'?"
*****
Henry
-
Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
*****
If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?
Vince Lombardi
*****
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.
But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger.
"God, how could you do this to me?!" he cried.
Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him.
"How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers.
"We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
*****
Sears has announced that it is closing all its cosmetic counters at its retail stores.
It turns out that women weren't going for that Sears Weather Beater mascara.
-- Jay Leno
*****
The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families."
The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families."
The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"
*****
Do you know how to make God laugh?
Tell Him your plans.
*****
In Iowa, a jury awarded $80 million to a woman who sued UPS.
Unfortunately, the woman wasn't home when they delivered the money, so they left it with a neighbor.
*****
Henry
If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?
Vince Lombardi
*****
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions.
But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger.
"God, how could you do this to me?!" he cried.
Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him.
"How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers.
"We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
*****
Sears has announced that it is closing all its cosmetic counters at its retail stores.
It turns out that women weren't going for that Sears Weather Beater mascara.
-- Jay Leno
*****
The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families."
The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families."
The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"
*****
Do you know how to make God laugh?
Tell Him your plans.
*****
In Iowa, a jury awarded $80 million to a woman who sued UPS.
Unfortunately, the woman wasn't home when they delivered the money, so they left it with a neighbor.
*****
Henry
-
Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
*****
If the king's english was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!
Ma Ferguson , Former Governor of Texas
*****
WHO MAKES THE COFFEE ?
Did you know women aren't supposed to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible.
It says . . .
"Hebrews!"
*****
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Will Rogers (1879-1935)
*****
Henry
If the king's english was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!
Ma Ferguson , Former Governor of Texas
*****
WHO MAKES THE COFFEE ?
Did you know women aren't supposed to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible.
It says . . .
"Hebrews!"
*****
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Will Rogers (1879-1935)
*****
Henry
-
Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
*****
Daily Affirmations for the Unstable
I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
Today, I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
Joan of Arc heard voices too.
When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.
Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
*****
Henry
Daily Affirmations for the Unstable
I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
Today, I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
Joan of Arc heard voices too.
When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute... I'll find someone.
Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
*****
Henry
-
Henry J
- Tv Watcher
- Posts:17968
- Joined:Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
- Location:Colorado
*****
If people really liked to work, we'd still be plowing the land with sticks and transporting goods on our backs.
Eilliam Feather
*****
On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late at Almighty God Tabernacle, his church, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't answer the phone. The pastor let it ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes.
When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.
The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night. The pastor couldn't figure out what the guy was talking about. Then the guy said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer."
The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife.
The man said, "That's OK. Let me tell you my story. You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, "God, if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now. At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer."
*****
Henry
If people really liked to work, we'd still be plowing the land with sticks and transporting goods on our backs.
Eilliam Feather
*****
On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late at Almighty God Tabernacle, his church, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't answer the phone. The pastor let it ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes.
When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways.
The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night. The pastor couldn't figure out what the guy was talking about. Then the guy said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer."
The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife.
The man said, "That's OK. Let me tell you my story. You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, "God, if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now. At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer."
*****
Henry