Recycling

[lswot]

So much for acronyms.........

[Henry J]

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be macho, so he went out walking with one of the hired hands.

As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried to begin a conversation, "Say, look at that big bunch of cows."

The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.'"

"Heard what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Sure, I've heard of cows...there's a big bunch of 'em right over there."

*****

(There's the beef! What do you mean no moo of that?)

[lswot]

*sigh*

[Xjmt]

*sigh*

[Henry J]

My niece bought her five-year-old daughter Kay a hamster. One day he escaped from his cage. The family turned the house upside-down and finally found him. Several weeks later, while Kay was at school, he disappeared again.

My niece searched frantically but never found the critter. Hoping to make the loss less painful for Kay, my niece took the cage out of her room.

When Kay came home from school that afternoon, she climbed into her mother's lap. "We have a serious problem," she announced. "Not only is my hamster gone again, but this time he took his cage!"

*****

Henry

[Henry J]

*****
Statements that will almost guarantee you won't get any!

"Oh, you had a bad day at work? Where's my dinner?"

"I know this is the fifth night in a row I've been out with the guys, but it's the Tyson fight."

"I know it's a 3-day golf weekend...we'll make love when I get back, OK?"

"Are you retaining water this week?"

"I was only kidding..."

"Are you feeling ok? You look like ****."

"Your best friend Debbie is such a *****!"

"I'll be right up after the Simpsons, OK?"

"You should see the new sexy, young employee that started today..."

"I don't really care for cats."

*****

(Meow?)

[Henry J]

Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, the cat began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."

I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.

The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.

*****

Henry

[lswot]

Cats rule

[Xjmt]

Cats rule

[lswot]

Thank you.....

[Xjmt]

Thank you.....

[Henry J]

Annual Alternate Word Meaning Contest

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

(to be continued... )

*****

[Henry J]

Annual Alternate Word Meaning Contest (continued)

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.

*****

Henry

[lswot]

Seems to be a lot of proctologist references. Or, to put it another way...they seem to be the butt of most of these alternate word meanings.

[Xjmt]

Seems to be a lot of proctologist references. Or, to put it another way...they seem to be the butt of most of these alternate word meanings.

Gee. I'm finally with the "IN" crowd. Today I had a colonoscopy.