Recycling

[Henry J]

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

[Henry J]

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

[Henry J]

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

[Henry J]

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

[Henry J]

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

[Henry J]

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

[Henry J]

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

(Maybe they're too busy pulling wool over their eyes? )

[Henry J]

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

[Henry J]

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

[Henry J]

A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
--Herm Albright

[That's sort of like, be nice to your enemies, because nothing annoys them so much!]

[Henry J]

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

[Henry J]

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

[Henry J]

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates

[Henry J]

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx

[Henry J]

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine