Recycling

[Henry J]

[Henry J]

These three guys are out fishing, and when they get back to their truck, they see it's surrounded by three bears.

"Okay guys, I figure the only way to get to the truck is to really tick these bears off. Then they'll leave and we can go home. So, Ed, you take the one on the left, the little cub with the broken leg, and I'll take the one in the middle, the little cub with one eye and a hurt paw, and Joe, you take the one on the right, the huge silvertip mama grizzly bear with blood-encrusted claws, the big teeth, and froth around the mouth"

"Hey, man wait a sec, I'm supposed to get this monster ticked off, and you guys get the cubs? That's not fair!"

"Now, now, Joe. We all have our bears to cross."

*****

[lswot]

[Henry J]

To celebrate their 50 years of marriage, a couple booked a weekend at Pebble Beach. On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, I have to confess something. Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope that you can forgive me."

The wife was hurt but said, "My dearest, those days are long gone. What we have is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and kissed.

On the seventeenth tee the wife said to her husband, "Honey, since we're being honest I have something to tell you. Fifty two years ago I had a sex change. I was a man before we met."

The husband went into a fit! He cursed, threw his driver into the water, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, tore at his clothes, screamed and ranted, "You liar, you despicable liar! How could you? I trusted you! And to think that you've been hitting from the red tees all this time!"

*****

FORE!

[Xjmt]

To celebrate their 50 years of marriage, a couple booked a weekend at Pebble Beach. On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, I have to confess something. Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope that you can forgive me."

The wife was hurt but said, "My dearest, those days are long gone. What we have is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and kissed.

On the seventeenth tee the wife said to her husband, "Honey, since we're being honest I have something to tell you. Fifty two years ago I had a sex change. I was a man before we met."

The husband went into a fit! He cursed, threw his driver into the water, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, tore at his clothes, screamed and ranted, "You liar, you despicable liar! How could you? I trusted you! And to think that you've been hitting from the red tees all this time!"

*****


FORE!

[lswot]

To celebrate their 50 years of marriage, a couple booked a weekend at Pebble Beach. On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, I have to confess something. Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope that you can forgive me."

The wife was hurt but said, "My dearest, those days are long gone. What we have is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and kissed.

On the seventeenth tee the wife said to her husband, "Honey, since we're being honest I have something to tell you. Fifty two years ago I had a sex change. I was a man before we met."

The husband went into a fit! He cursed, threw his driver into the water, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, tore at his clothes, screamed and ranted, "You liar, you despicable liar! How could you? I trusted you! And to think that you've been hitting from the red tees all this time!"

*****


FORE!

Oh, please....you're confused, Xjmt? Blue tees are for men (who are supposedly long ball hitters)...and red tees are for Women.....the weaker sex...or so they say.

[Xjmt]

I never knew that.....or cared.

[lswot]

Well......now you know. It's a good trivia story for you next dinner party.

[Xjmt]

Just my luck my next get together with friends all probably will be golfers and already know.

[Henry J]

And, they might even know the one about taking a spare pair of pants when you go to the course...

[Henry J]

Josh had always been a big fan of Walt Disney. He saw every film that the Disney Studios put out. So it was no surprise when he headed to Disneyland looking for a job as a tour guide.

And his interview went something like this:

Interviewer: "So why would you like to work for us?"

Josh: "I've been a big fan for many years. I reckon that I know as much about your characters as anyone. I'd make a darn good tour guide."

Interviewer: "Tell you what. If you can answer 3 questions, I'll give you the job of Head Tour Guide."

Josh: "Sounds fair."

Interviewer: "First Question: Who is Mickey Mouse's girlfriend?"

Josh: "Minnie Mouse."

Interviewer: "Second Question: Name our 2 most famous dogs."

Josh: "Pluto and Goofy."

Interviewer: "Very Good. Speaking of dogs, I assume you saw the movie 101 Dalmatians?"

Josh: "Sure did."

Interviewer: "Okay, name them."

*****

(My suggestion for that question: "Spot 1. Spot 2. Spot 3. ... spot 99. Spot 100. Spot 101".

Henry

[lswot]

good one

[Henry J]

For those who are getting along in years, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles. You might want to adopt this regimen!Three days a week works well.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5 lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax. Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a few weeks, move up to 10 lb. potato sacks and then 50 lb. potato sacks, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100 lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, start putting a couple of potatoes in each of the sacks, but be careful not to overdo it.

*****

Henry

[lswot]

Um.....this is how I do it:

[Xjmt]

Um.....this is how I do it: