Recycling

[Henry J]

Isn't this poetic? (Yes, no, or GROAN)

Was he the best pitcher that ever threw a baseball? Back in the 1950s, there were a lot of folks who thought so. Mel Famey of the Milwaukee Braves was a natural -- a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon whose fast ball blew away the best hitters. His 90 MPH curveball would start out like it was going to hit the batter's ear, only to break at the last instant and hit the outside corner of the plate for a strike. His changeup made the best hitters in the league cry -- they would swing, drop the bat, and stare incredulously as the ball hit the catcher's mitt. He was indeed awesome!

Why then, you might ask, is he not in the Hall of Fame? Why haven't you ever heard of him? Alas, like many others before him, Mel's downfall was demon alcohol. Ol' Mel really liked to tilt the glass. His drinking became almost legendary around the country, but he never let it affect his pitching until ...

The Braves and the Yankees were in the World Series! Excitement reigned! The series was tied at three games apiece, and the Braves were in New York for the seventh and deciding game. The night before the big event, Mel's thirst got the better of him. He snuck out of the hotel after curfew, and bought himself two cases of beer. As you might imagine, the next morning Mel didn't feel too good. But being the pro that he was, Mel managed to do just fine -- until the bottom of the ninth inning. With the Braves ahead by one run, two out, and the bases loaded, Mel's revelry the night before finally caught up to him. Eight straight pitches -- eight straight balls. He walked in the tying run and the winning run, thereby, losing the game and the series.

After the game, a reporter went to the jubilant Yankee's clubhouse and spoke to the last two players that faced Mel. "Tell me", he asked, "to what do you attribute this victory over the best pitcher in the major leagues"? In unison they replied,

"It was the beer that made Mel Famey walk us"!

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[Henry J]

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring, the two nuns decide to lock the door, strip off their habits and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project there is a knock at the door.

" Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man" replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The nuns look at each other and shrug. Deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

"Uh, hi there" says the man. "Where do you want these blinds?"

(Oh, I see - said the blind man to his sister? Ah well, so long as he doesn't make a habit of it. )

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[lswot]

[Henry J]

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game (whose head gear partially blocked the view), three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move.

In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living there."

The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns living there."

The third guy said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns living there."

One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet, calm voice said, "why don't you go to hell... there aren't any nuns there."

DianeZ

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Okay, that's enough nunsense for one day.

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[Henry J]

The Texas preacher "Father Marty" rose with an angry red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous brunette with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets!"

topper

(Say what? Say what?)

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[lswot]

Oops

[Henry J]

Exactimundo!

[Henry J]

ALZHEIMER'S' EYE TEST

Count every "F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

(SEE BELOW)

How many?

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.

3?

4?

How about 6?

So how many did YOU count?

Let's see it! Let us know.

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[Henry J]

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south.

They decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendent noticed they were carrying two dead raccoons.

"Do you wish to check the raccoons through the baggage?" she asked.

"No thanks." replied the vultures.

"They're carrion."

[And, within the limit of two carrions per passenger! ]

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[Henry J]

If you need a laugh, read through these Children's Science (part 1 of 3)

Exam Answers.

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

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[Henry J]

If you need a laugh, read through these Children's Science (part 2 of 3)

Exam Answers.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

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[lswot]

kids are fun......

[Henry J]

If you need a laugh, read through these Children's Science (part 3 of 3)

Exam Answers.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts---the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?'
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

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[Henry J]

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office.

He says, "I'm a tee-pee! I'm a wig-wam! I'm a tee-pee! I'm a wig-wam! I'm a tee-pee! I'm a wig-wam!"

The psychiatrist responds, "You need to chill. You're two tents."

[Well, to all in tents and purposes... ]

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[lswot]

Those were fun.....