It is currently Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:02 pm

All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1619 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 104, 105, 106, 107, 108
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Tue Feb 13, 2018 9:04 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
Subject: IPAD SWAT

WHY SENIORS STILL NEED NEWSPAPERS

I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century," she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."

I can tell you this: that fly never knew what hit him.

*****


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Wed Feb 14, 2018 12:05 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
Posts: 13338
Location: California
..... :rotfl:

_________________
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Wed Feb 14, 2018 7:17 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
"Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System"

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as flotation devices. [Just sit right back and you'll here a tale... ]

2. Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.

3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock.... one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!

5. Ummmmmm.... Sorry...... (silence)

6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff).... uhhhhh.... we have to go back .... we .. we .... uhhhhhh .... forgot something.....

7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now. [You mean it fell off? Once I saw an engine stop, or at least wondered why I could see the propeller, and then the plane turned around and went back to Atlanta... )

8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car)

9. This is your Captain speaking.... these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some leeway... [Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here... ]

10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie. [What, and miss the scenery? ]

11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... Oh noooooooo!!!!!.. [De plane! De plane!]

12. Don't worry! That one is always on E... [Excuses, excuses... ]

13. Get the parachutes ready... [Why, ya wanna drop in on somebody? ]

******

The above were from files saved on my PC, but let me add one more:

Where did that flock of geese come from?

[Are we there yet?]

[Don't let this put you off flying, Miss. Statistically speaking, it's still the safest way to travel.]


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Thu Feb 15, 2018 8:19 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
Quote:
How to put the spin on.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Judy Wallman, a professional genealogy researcher in southern California, was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that Harry Reid's great-great uncle, Remus Reid, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. Both Judy and Harry Reid share this common ancestor

So Judy recently e-mailed Congressman Harry Reid for information about their great-great uncle.

Believe it or not, Harry Reid's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:

'Remus Reid was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.'

Now that is how it's done folks! That's real SPIN.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Fri Feb 16, 2018 12:19 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
Posts: 13338
Location: California
I got dizzy reading it! :D

_________________
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Fri Feb 16, 2018 2:01 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
They should have gotten better engineers to build that platform...


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Fri Feb 16, 2018 6:04 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
Posts: 13338
Location: California
Henry J wrote:
They should have gotten better engineers to build that platform...



Yep....you volunteering? :smile:

_________________
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Fri Feb 16, 2018 6:41 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
Nope, not my field! So, I'm not gonna be out standing in that field.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Fri Feb 16, 2018 6:42 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
Thoughts for today (and everyday)

If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. [And make a puddle on the floor?]

Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.

It isn't the jeans that make your butt look fat. [So who's sleeping on the couch tonight?]

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. [In that case, what's Mr. Data to do?]

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. [Also, the grass is always greener over the septic tank.]

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

For every action, there is an equal & opposite government program. [Poly=many, tick=small blood sucking creature.]

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.

There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2018 12:05 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
Posts: 13338
Location: California
Henry J wrote:
Nope, not my field! So, I'm not gonna be out standing in that field.


Ya never know! :smile:

_________________
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Sat Feb 17, 2018 3:42 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
Continued...

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Middle age is when broadness of the mind & narrowness of the waist change places. [Or, a waist is a terrible thing to mind?]

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. [But did they knock?]

Junk is something you've kept for years & throw away three weeks before you need it. [Oops!]

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. [Never underestimate the power of human stupidity?]

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. [Oops!]

By the time you can make the ends meet, they move the ends. [But what about the odds?]

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. [Like Mr. Spock?]

If you must choose between two evils, chose the one that you've never tried before.

Eschew obfuscation. [Gesundheit!]


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Sun Feb 18, 2018 2:59 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."

"Why not?" she asked.

"I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them much either."

His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. One, you're 59 years old, and two, you're the pastor!"

***********************************
(Amen?)


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 3:25 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
Quote:
Food for thought

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

"That laundry is not very clean", she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?"

The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our window."


Yeah, I reckon that dirty windows can be a pane sometimes.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Mon Feb 19, 2018 6:02 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
Posts: 13338
Location: California
Henry J wrote:
Quote:
Food for thought

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

"That laundry is not very clean", she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?"

The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our window."


Yeah, I reckon that dirty windows can be a pane sometimes.


..... :)

_________________
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1619 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 104, 105, 106, 107, 108

All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group