Recycling

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lswot
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Re: Recycling

Post by lswot » Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:43 am

Henry J wrote:
Down at the University of Tennessee,

the Biological Genetic Research and Sports Department have created a fish.

Some aspect of the experiment did not turn out as expected,

and the fish has no eyes.

It is called a fsh.
(Just so long as those researchers didn't flounder... )
So now we know that their education has not gone to waste! :smile:
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"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......

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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:56 am

Sure, but they could at least buy a vowel from Vanna...

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Re: Recycling

Post by lswot » Wed Feb 21, 2018 6:06 pm

.... :smile:
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......

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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Wed Feb 21, 2018 7:40 pm

And they judge us

Two psychiatrists who went to Psychiatry School together met after a 20 year absence. One was bright and cheerful while the other morose who was contemplating giving the game away.

The bright spark said, "I have three questions that I always ask my patients to separate the sane from the profitable. Give it a go. If you pass you'll know you're sane." The dull one agreed so the bright spark asked,
"What does a man do while standing and a lady does sitting and a dog does on three legs?

The instant response was,
"That 's obvious.

Shake hands."
"Fair enough" says the bright spark as he continued,

"What does a dog do in the back yard that makes you curse if you step in it?"

"Simple", said a slightly less dull doctor,

"Digs a hole."

"Indeed" observes the bright spark as he asked his final question,

"Where is women's hair most curly?"

"Why. Fiji! Where else!"

The bright spark said,
"Mate, there's nothing wrong with you but you should hear some of the weirdo answers some of my patients give."
Yep.

As an old saying goes - anybody who goes to a shrink should have their head examined! ;)

As for what that one's patients said to those questions - I'll guess all three answers started with "p".

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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Thu Feb 22, 2018 4:34 pm

TOOLS EXPLAINED (part 1 of 2)

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh -- !'

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off boltheads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

********************************

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Re: Recycling

Post by lswot » Thu Feb 22, 2018 6:08 pm

Is this one of those: Do not do this at home.....or anywhere.
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......

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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Thu Feb 22, 2018 6:38 pm

Do, or do not - there is no try.

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Re: Recycling

Post by lswot » Fri Feb 23, 2018 10:50 am

Henry J wrote:Do, or do not - there is no try.
... :D
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......

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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Fri Feb 23, 2018 7:29 pm

TOOLS EXPLAINED (part 2 of 2)

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals underlids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

DAMM-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'DAMM-IT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Sat Feb 24, 2018 6:17 pm

When you have sons...

You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2 .) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O. [Even though there's always room for it?]

15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. [It's smellamentary!]

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid. [Pass.]

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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Sun Feb 25, 2018 11:25 am

CONFUCIUS SAY ...

"Man who run in front of car get tired."

"Man who run behind car get exhausted."

"Two wrongs not make a right - Three lefts do."

"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."

"War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left."

"Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"

"Man who sit on tack get point!"

"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"

"Man who lives in glass house should change in basement."

"If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient."

*****

YODA say ...

"Do or do not. There is no try."

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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Mon Feb 26, 2018 7:15 pm

A Wee Bit of Scottish Humor

Four-year-old Ian Forsyth loved candy almost as much as his mom Sally did. He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. A few days later Ian was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Sally said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?"

"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat them all."

*************************

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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Tue Feb 27, 2018 7:22 pm

Where do doctors learn about the digestive system?

In alimentary school.

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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:00 pm

Where do kids learn about chemistry?

In elementary school.

(But only periodically, and it's never (yet) gone past the seventh period. )

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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Thu Mar 01, 2018 9:02 pm

Never iron a 4 leaf clover, you don't want to press your luck...

*****

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