It is currently Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:07 pm

All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1619 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Wed Jan 31, 2018 6:49 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
Quote:
Judge: Haven’t I seen you before?

Man: Yes, Your Honor. I taught your daughter how to play the drums.

Judge: Twenty years!

Charles

(Disturbing the peace gets twenty years? Huh. )


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Thu Feb 01, 2018 7:02 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
Reporter: "Was the killer a man or a woman?"

Inspector Clousseau: "What other choices are there - children?"


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Fri Feb 02, 2018 7:31 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
Quote:
This is an oldie...but, "the devil made me do it"!!!!

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you, the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"

OOPS!


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Sat Feb 03, 2018 7:45 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
Quote:
KIDS!!!! Don'tcha just love 'em?????

A high school class was discussing the qualifications to be president Of the United States.

It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However. one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. The teacher and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating...... "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by c-section?"

Found in the Breeze Courier newspaper, Taylorville, IL. Unknown author

I can't tell if this is a joke or what. But it made me laugh.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 12:22 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
Posts: 13338
Location: California
ie: natural born.....out of the birth canal and not cut out of the stomach. I guess.....which does make it funny....well, maybe not funny....but kind of naïve, ....

_________________
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 12:23 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
Posts: 13338
Location: California
sorry for the repeat....don't know how to get rid of it, ....

_________________
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 5:01 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
Why did the Chicken cross the road?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented chicken.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Mr. Spock: Obviously, it was the logical thing to do at the time.

Buffy: It needed to slay an egg.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 6:07 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
Posts: 13338
Location: California
good ones..... :lol:

_________________
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Mon Feb 05, 2018 7:43 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.
John Adams

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress ... But then I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

*******************


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Tue Feb 06, 2018 10:48 am 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
Posts: 13338
Location: California
... :biggthumbup:

_________________
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Tue Feb 06, 2018 6:04 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
Quote:
It also shows that in most cases the quality of life for prisoners has improved considerably from what you might expect. And I always thought Prison was for Punishment!!!
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this comparison list should make things a little bit clearer:

@ PRISON
You spend most of your time in a 10X10 cell

@ WORK
You spend most of your time in a 6X6 cubicle

.
.

@ PRISON
You get three fully paid for meals a day

@ WORK
You get a break for one meal, and you have to pay for it

.
.

@ PRISON
For good behavior, you get time off

@ WORK
For good behavior, you get more work

.
.

@ PRISON
The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you

@ WORK
You must carry a security card and open all the doors yourself

.
.

@ PRISON
You can watch TV and play games

@ WORK
You could get fired for watching TV and playing games

.
.

@ PRISON
You get your own toilet

@ WORK
You have to share the toilet with people who pee on the seat

.
.

@ PRISON
They allow your family and friends to visit

@ WORK
You aren't even supposed to speak to your family

.
.

@ PRISON
All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required on your part

@ WORK
You must pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners

.
.

@ PRISON
You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out

@ WORK
You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars

.
.
.
.

THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Tue Feb 06, 2018 6:13 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
Posts: 13338
Location: California
"THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE"

Ya think?

_________________
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Wed Feb 07, 2018 11:51 am 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher
User avatar

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 6:13 am
Posts: 13506
Location: Ohio
:rotfl: :clap:


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Wed Feb 07, 2018 6:05 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 31, 2003 11:53 am
Posts: 13338
Location: California
Thank you, thank you very much! :)

_________________
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
 Post subject: Re: Recycling
PostPosted: Wed Feb 07, 2018 7:43 pm 
Offline
Tv Watcher
Tv Watcher

Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 7:21 am
Posts: 14979
Location: Colorado
Your velcome!


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 1619 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 108  Next

All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group