Recycling

[lswot]

Oh dear......we've created a monster...er punster.

[Xjmt]

[Henry J]

Why did the turkey cross the road?

To prove it wasn't chicken.

(Sure, but it's still poultry in motion! )

[Henry J]

A man put in 10 puns for a pun contest, hoping that at least one of them would win. But sadly, no pun in ten did.

[lswot]

A man put in 10 puns for a pun contest, hoping that at least one of them would win. But sadly, no pun in ten did.

. : very good

[Henry J]

Adam blamed Eve.
Eve blamed the snake.
And the snake didn't have a leg to stand on.

******************

[Henry J]

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

(Not Leif Ericson? Or earlier, those tribes what migrated across the Bering land bridge a long time before that, even? )
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

(What about chairs? Or an abacus? )
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(Looks like somebody's having a bad spell. See ya later, alligator. )
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

(It's elementary!)
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[Henry J]

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

(Exactamundo! Or do I mean absotively? )
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

(Clear as mud? )
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I'.
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

(That student will be a person of letters, huh!)
_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

(Maybe he thought it would leave him out on a limb? Or it would be barking up the wrong tree? )
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

(Pizza, pizza... )
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

(Well doggone! )
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

(Or a business manager? )
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[Henry J]

Rap is to music what Etch-a-Sketch is to art.

Entropy isn't what it used to be. [And neither is Deja Vu.]

Microbiology Lab: Staph Only!

Eschew obfuscation.

Ground Beef: A Cow With No Legs.

186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Air Pollution is a "mist-demeaner."

Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Editing is a rewording activity. [And so is making puns!]

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.

I used to be indecisive; now I'm not sure. [Maybe!]

No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway.

[Henry J]

Who's Irish and lives in your backyard?

.
.

Patty O'Furniture

*****

[Henry J]

The physics professor talked about Galileo and Newton first. Then he talked about Decarte - he waited before talking about him because he didn't want to put Decarte before the course.

*****

(sounds a bit like temporal mechanics, doesn't it?)

[Henry J]

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

*****

[Henry J]

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

12. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

*****

[Henry J]

13. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

14. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

15. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran

16. A backward poet writes inverse.

17. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

18. When cannibals ate a missionary they got a taste of religion.

*****

[Henry J]

"If we can't find a new choreographer, we'll have to get the previous one out of the hospital."

"But she's incapacitated."

"Then we'll just drive to Capacitated to get her."

"Someday I've got to get that girl a dictionary."

******************