Recycling

[lswot]

woof

[Henry J]

meow?

[lswot]

oh dear......

[Henry J]

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.

===========================

[Xjmt]

but also

[Henry J]

Old, but good Irish jokes

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

Roger Stegman

=============================

[Henry J]

Why did the teacher go to the eye doctor?

Because she was having trouble with her pupils!

=============================

[Henry J]

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"I'm guessing it'll be in a mirror."

=============================

[Henry J]

Bubba and the Catholics Rated- PG

Bubba had just moved into a new neighborhood, not knowing it was predominately Catholic. Bubba also had a Friday Ritual, he would go out on the Patio and grill a big Venison Steak. the aroma would waft through the neighborhood, driving the Catholics crazy. See, it was Lent and they couldn't eat meat on Friday.

After several Fridays of this torture, they went en-mass to see their Pastor, Father Montanez. After listening to their plight he decided the best plan would be to convert Bubba. So, after talking to Bubba and several weeks of Catechism classes, Bubba was Baptized. Father Montanez sprinkled Holy-water on his head and chanted," You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist. you are now a Catholic."

Two Fridays later that familiar aroma wafted through the neighborhood and everybody headed for Bubba's house. As they turned the corner to his patio they saw him, sprinkling holy-water on the steak and chanting," You wuz borned a Deer, you wuz raised a Deer, you is now a Catfish!"

(Thou shalt not flounder... So should I stop now and leave that as my sole remark? )

=============================

[Henry J]

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.

===========================

[Henry J]

My wife and I had words, But I didn't get to use mine.

~~~~~
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

~~~~~
Blessed are those who can give without remembering And take without forgetting.

~~~~~
The irony of life is that, by the time You're old enough to know your way Around, you're not going anywhere.

~~~~~
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think Of an answer for her first question.

~~~~~
I was always taught to respect my elders, But it keeps getting harder to find one.

~~~~~
Every morning is the dawn of a new error... error... error...

=====================================================

[lswot]

Not bad

[Henry J]

Speakers of the English language might enjoy this.....

How do non-natives ever learn all the nuances of English???

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends and we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has a real special meaning. People stir up trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special. And this up is confusing:

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP . We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP !

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it wets UP the earth.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on & on, but I'll wrap it UP for now my time is UP, so ....

Time to shut UP .....!

Don't screw UP . Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book

(Or as a certain wascally wabbit might say, "What's Up, Doc?". )

=====================================================

[lswot]

I was going to read all of that but, I just wasn't "UP" to it!

[Henry J]

But were you DOWN with it?