Recycling

[lswot]

Eschew obfuscation! Avoid superfluous redundancies!)

...

[Henry J]

Gesundheit!

[Xjmt]

[Henry J]

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Luck always seems to be against the man who depends on it. (And with the one who is prepared for lots of scenarios?)

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. (In summer school!)

Practicing the Golden Rule is not a sacrifice; it is an investment. (But at what interest rate?)

Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has just been fixed. (But that last one is a doozy!)

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[Henry J]

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Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. (aka the KISS principle)

I'm not going to climb into the ring with Tolstoy. (of course not; he's not around anymore!)

The gods too are fond of a joke. (Platypus, anyone?)

Yes. No. Maybe. (Good, that firm decision is out of the way.)

It is easier to believe than to doubt. (I'm firmly skeptical about that!)

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[Henry J]

Start every day with a smile and get it over with. (Well, yeah!)

Courage is the ladder on which all the other virtues mount. (If stairs aren't available.)

Everybody likes a kidder, but nobody lends him money. (But then, if you never see him again, it was probably worth it?)

Adversity is the diamond dust Heaven polishes its jewels with. (Sure, but in a few million years that diamond dust will be charcoal again!)

One thing you can give and still keep is your word. (Especially if you have a dictionary handy.)

Solutions are not the answer. (But what if those solutions are the result of a chemical reaction?)

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[lswot]

"Start every day with a smile and get it over with. (Well, yeah!)"

[Henry J]

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Every nation ridicules other nations -- and all are right. (Except the ones that are left.)

Brides aren't happy - they are just triumphant. (Because the guy didn't run fast enough on Sadie Hawkins Day?)

The city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo. (But don't feed the animals!)

Wagner's music is better than it sounds. (That sounds like an unsound thought.)

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[Henry J]

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A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
-Herm Albright-

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Expect the worst and you won't be disappointed.

(Or, if ya like sausage, expect the wurst, instead.)

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[Xjmt]

You shoulda' just stuck with the first part!

[Henry J]

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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

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[lswot]

Clever

[Xjmt]

[Henry J]

*****
If Wily E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME junk, why didn't he just buy dinner?

(Cause his brain fell off a cliff?)

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

(Same question for girl scout cookies.)

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

(Duh!)

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

(Squeak!)

*****

[Henry J]

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion Allowed per passenger.'

Two fish swim directly into a concrete wall. One turns to the Other and says 'Dam!'

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in The craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't Have your kayak and heat it too. [And afterwards, they missed their boat. ]

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The Other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.' [Shocking! ]

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a Root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope That at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

A good pun is its own reword.