Recycling

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lswot
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Re: Recycling

Post by lswot » Tue Jun 27, 2017 5:15 pm

What's the point? :smile:
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......

Henry J
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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Tue Jun 27, 2017 5:36 pm

Doctors Jokes

"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"

"Do you drink a lot?"

"Not really - I spill most of it!"

(Shaken not stirred?)
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Re: Recycling

Post by lswot » Wed Jun 28, 2017 10:00 am

Henry J wrote:Doctors Jokes

"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"

"Do you drink a lot?"

"Not really - I spill most of it!"

(Shaken not stirred?)
====================================
.......:drink: :smile:
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......

Henry J
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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Wed Jun 28, 2017 10:06 am

I hope that's synthehol. ;)

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lswot
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Re: Recycling

Post by lswot » Wed Jun 28, 2017 11:33 am

But of course....!!!
besides I have to drink it before I spill it....... :smile:
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......

Henry J
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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Wed Jun 28, 2017 5:21 pm

Q: What do you call a midget fortuneteller on the run from the law?
A: A small medium at large.

(Size matters!)
======================================
Consider that two wrongs don't make a right.
But three lefts do.

(One good turn...)
======================================

Henry J
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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Thu Jun 29, 2017 6:38 pm

One Liners Jokes

If you drop a fork, it's a sign company is coming. If a fork is missing, it's a sign company is leaving.

(Sackville Bagginses?)
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lswot
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Re: Recycling

Post by lswot » Fri Jun 30, 2017 9:54 am

this can be scary..... :-D

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir this is Google's pizza.
- Sorry, I must have dialed a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought out
Gordon's Pizza a short while ago.
- OK. Take my order please.
- OK sir, would you like your usual?"
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller-ID database,
your last 12 orders were for pizza with
cheese and sausage toppings,
thick crust and crisp.
- OK! That's it...
- May I suggest this time you add ricotta,
arugula with dry tomato toppings?
- What? I hate vegetables.
- Your cholesterol is not good, sir."
- How do you know that?
- We cross-matched your phone number
with your name and your online medical portal.
We have the result of your blood tests
for the past 7 years.
- Okay, but I do not want those toppings,
I already take medicine ...
- Excuse me, but you have not taken
your medicine regularly.
We can see from our database,
4 months ago, you only purchased
a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at CVS.
- I bought more from another pharmacy.
- Such a transaction is not showing
in your credit card account.
- I paid in cash.
- But you did not withdraw that much cash
according to your recent bank statement.
- I have another source of cash.
- That is not showing as per your latest
tax return unless you obtained it from
an undeclared income source.
WHAT THE.....
- "I'm sorry, sir, we use such information
only with the intention of helping you.
- Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook,
Twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island
without internet, cable TV, where there is
no cell phone service and no one to spy on me.
- "I understand sir but you'll need to renew
your passport first as it expired 6 weeks ago! ;-)
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......

Henry J
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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Fri Jun 30, 2017 10:53 am

Resistance = futile? We'll be all simulated? ACK!

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lswot
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Re: Recycling

Post by lswot » Fri Jun 30, 2017 5:15 pm

Yikes....... :shock:
:beamup: lswot
eccl 2:13

"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......

Henry J
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Posts:17968
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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Fri Jun 30, 2017 5:26 pm

A Wee Bit of Scottish Humor

A prospective Member of the Scottish Parliament was once asked at an election meeting in the Western Isles about his attitude toward whisky. Knowing the divided views on alcohol on the islands, his reply was: "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise!"

(Maybe he should suggest that they drink synthehol instead?)
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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Sat Jul 01, 2017 3:24 pm

A Wee Bit of Scottish Humor

An American couple taking driving tour of Scotland found themselves lost. Finally, they drove into a small town. They saw Bruce Forsyth walking along beside the road, so the husband pulled the car up beside him. His wife rolled down her window and asked, "Excuse me, sir, we're lost. Can ya'll tell us where we are?" The reply came back "Tillucoultry, Clackmannan." The American lady said "Thank you", rolled up the window, turned to her husband and said, "We really are lost. They don't even speak English here."

(No hablo...)
======================================

Henry J
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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Sun Jul 02, 2017 5:58 pm

Family Jokes

One day a little girl was sitting on her grandpa's knee playing with his long beard and patting his bald head, and asked "Did God make me?"

"Yes my dear" her grandpa replied.

"Did God make you?" she asked. "Yes he did" he replied again she then said "well he sure does a better job these days doesn't he.

(Practice makes... er, something or other.)
======================================

Henry J
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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Mon Jul 03, 2017 3:11 pm

Miscellaneous Jokes

Two ghosts were talking. One said to the other, "I think I've been here before."

The other replies, "Don't worry, it's just a case of deja whooooo!"

(Whooooo goes there? Or to put it another way - what's up, Doc?)
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Puns

A young apprentice optometrist recently got careless and got his hand caught in the lens grinder. He wasn't seriously hurt, but he certainly made a spectacle of himself.

(Well, at least he didn't back into it and get a little behind in his work. Hee Haw.)
====================================

Henry J
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Re: Recycling

Post by Henry J » Tue Jul 04, 2017 8:25 am

The fourth is with us today.

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