Re: Recycling
Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2017 1:41 pm
Henry J wrote:But were you DOWN with it?
Page 94 of 246
Re: Recycling
Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2017 5:13 pm
Thanks Xjmt.....couldn't have said it better, myself.Xjmt wrote:Henry J wrote:But were you DOWN with it?
Re: Recycling
Posted: Tue Oct 10, 2017 6:43 pm
Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold.
Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!
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Doctor, something is seriously wrong with me. Some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wigwam.
Relax! You're just too tents.
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A zoo had a camel with no humps named 'Humphrey'.
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Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!
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Doctor, something is seriously wrong with me. Some days I feel like a tee-pee and other days I feel like a wigwam.
Relax! You're just too tents.
======================================
A zoo had a camel with no humps named 'Humphrey'.
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Re: Recycling
Posted: Wed Oct 11, 2017 4:27 pm
Q: Why don't oysters give to charity?
A: Because they're shellfish.
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh.
Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny!
Q: What do you call an ant who skips school?
A: A truant!
Q: What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?
A: Fowl play!
(Of course, a chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. )
Q: Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
A: There was some money in the kitty!
Q: What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
A: Streaky bacon!
Q: What is green and can jump a mile in a minute?
Q: A grasshopper with hiccups!
Q: Why does a flamingo always lift up one leg?
A: Because if he lifted up both legs he would fall over!
Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
A: Because there were so many knights!
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A: Because they're shellfish.
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh.
Q: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A: Because they taste funny!
Q: What do you call an ant who skips school?
A: A truant!
Q: What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?
A: Fowl play!
(Of course, a chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. )
Q: Why happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
A: There was some money in the kitty!
Q: What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
A: Streaky bacon!
Q: What is green and can jump a mile in a minute?
Q: A grasshopper with hiccups!
Q: Why does a flamingo always lift up one leg?
A: Because if he lifted up both legs he would fall over!
Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
A: Because there were so many knights!
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Re: Recycling
Posted: Thu Oct 12, 2017 2:25 pm
A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.
"It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly,"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
Roger Stegman
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"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.
"It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend.
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly,"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
Roger Stegman
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Re: Recycling
Posted: Thu Oct 12, 2017 5:14 pm
out of the mouths of babes
Re: Recycling
Posted: Thu Oct 12, 2017 5:18 pm
I understand where the kid got the other facts but an F in sex came from just where?? 
Re: Recycling
Posted: Thu Oct 12, 2017 5:59 pm
Sex: M or F
Re: Recycling
Posted: Fri Oct 13, 2017 5:55 pm
Bar & Drinking Jokes
Two drunks were in a bar partying like fools. They were drinking boiler makers, buying rounds like there was no tomorrow. They were dancing, calling each other "professor," and generally causing quite a stir. When asked why such a celebration, they boasted that they just finished a jigsaw puzzle & it only took them 2 months!
"TWO MONTHS?!" cried the bartender. "That's ridiculous. It shouldn't take that long!!"
"Oh yeah?" says one drunk. "The box said 2-4 YEARS!"
(It were a puzzled, aw rights!)
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Two drunks were in a bar partying like fools. They were drinking boiler makers, buying rounds like there was no tomorrow. They were dancing, calling each other "professor," and generally causing quite a stir. When asked why such a celebration, they boasted that they just finished a jigsaw puzzle & it only took them 2 months!
"TWO MONTHS?!" cried the bartender. "That's ridiculous. It shouldn't take that long!!"
"Oh yeah?" says one drunk. "The box said 2-4 YEARS!"
(It were a puzzled, aw rights!)
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Re: Recycling
Posted: Sat Oct 14, 2017 3:15 pm
Mid Life Crisis
When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10 inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great. They really know how to solve your mid-life crises....
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When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10 inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great. They really know how to solve your mid-life crises....
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Re: Recycling
Posted: Sat Oct 14, 2017 5:03 pm
But of course.......somebodies got to keep you guys in line!!!!Henry J wrote:Mid Life Crisis
When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10 inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great. They really know how to solve your mid-life crises....
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Re: Recycling
Posted: Sat Oct 14, 2017 5:14 pm
Exactly!
Re: Recycling
Posted: Sun Oct 15, 2017 9:20 am
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
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Re: Recycling
Posted: Sun Oct 15, 2017 10:44 am
You've got that wrong......
Re: Recycling
Posted: Sun Oct 15, 2017 2:02 pm
Well, it was kind of fishy, wasn't it?