The Show Place

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Author:  Henry J [ Thu Jan 11, 2018 4:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Recycling

Fun Puns.....

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

Every calendar's days are numbered.

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

A breakfast boiled egg is hard to beat.

A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and t'aint mine.

His photographic memory was never developed.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.

Those who jump off Paris bridge are in Seine.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

Local Area Network in Australia. The LAN down under.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.

A backwards poet writes inverse.

Definition of a will. A dead giveaway.

You're stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

A bird in the hand can be messy.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Author:  Xjmt [ Fri Jan 12, 2018 1:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Recycling


Author:  Henry J [ Fri Jan 12, 2018 7:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Recycling

Harry Ewaschuk

Buffalo Theory

I don't think I've ever heard the concept explained any better than this .

'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'


(Cheers! )

Author:  lswot [ Sat Jan 13, 2018 9:55 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Recycling

Cheers! :drink:

Author:  Henry J [ Sat Jan 13, 2018 4:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Recycling

Nope; they've closed. ;)

Author:  Henry J [ Sat Jan 13, 2018 4:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Recycling

Date: Wednesday, June 18, 2008 11:32:19 AM

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed His spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is, and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I please come with him tomorrow?'


Author:  Henry J [ Sun Jan 14, 2018 2:30 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Recycling

Catholic Wisdom

98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

"Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die."

She raised herself up in bed and said, "Don't ever sell that cow."

(Where's the beef? Or, got milk?)

Author:  Henry J [ Mon Jan 15, 2018 5:42 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Recycling


William Penn, the famous statesman, had two elderly aunts who loved to bake pies.

The pies were very popular with the townspeople.

So the aunts decided to start selling them.

The pies sold so well that the women quickly became greedy.

So they started raising their prices.

Soon, everybody in town was talking about the pie-rates of Penn's aunts.


(At least they weren't in the Caribbean! )

Author:  Henry J [ Tue Jan 16, 2018 5:15 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Recycling

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs?

“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk.

“That’s fine,” said the girl. I’ll take ten yards.”

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out.

The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”

OOPS! :smile:

Author:  lswot [ Tue Jan 16, 2018 6:06 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Recycling

Good one!!!

Author:  Henry J [ Wed Jan 17, 2018 8:34 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Recycling

Say What ?

In a Podiatrist's office:
Time Wounds All Heels.
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals--on Wheels
At a Proctologist's door:
To expedite your visit, please back in.
On a Plumber's truck:
We Repair What Your Husband Fixed
On another Plumber's truck:
Don't sleep with a drip; Call your plumber!
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout.
At a Towing company:
We don't charge an arm and a leg: We want tows.

Author:  Henry J [ Thu Jan 18, 2018 7:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Recycling

On an Electrician's truck:
Let Us Remove Your Shorts
In a Nonsmoking Area:
If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
On a Maternity Room door:
Push. Push. Push!
At an Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
On a Taxidermist's window:
We really know our stuff.
On a Fence:
Salesmen Welcome! Dog Food Is Expensive!
At a Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.

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