The Show Place

The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

All great truths begin as blasphemies.

I have not yet begun to procrastinate!

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Subject: Fw: SINGING IN CHURCH

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn comes to your mind."

The pastor shouted out "CROSS." Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS."

The pastor hollered out "GRACE" The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound."

The pastor said "POWER" The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD."

The Pastor said "SEX" The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little 87 year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES."

Pass this along and make some one smile today. I know I just did!

GOTTA LOVE THOSE LITTLE OLD LADIES

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lswot wrote:

....... .....not that I relate at all.....you understand.

lswot wrote:....... .....not that I relate at all.....you understand.

Xjmt wrote:

lswot wrote:....... .....not that I relate at all.....you understand.

.....

Dating hints for gentlemen

There are lots of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date.

I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.

I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.

I used to come here all the time with my ex.

Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.

It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.

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Question and answer

Q: How do you scare a man? A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.

Q: Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women? A: Women working at 900 numbers.

Q: Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner? A: In the pages of a romance novel.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift? A: Exchange him.

Q: Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men? A: No phone numbers.

Q: Why do men like smart women? A: Opposites attract.

[I resemble those remarks!]

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Good Answers!

Jokes of the day

You Know You've Turned Into a Mom When

You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!

You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You get soooo into crafts you contemplate writing a book called 101 Fun Crafts to do with Dryer Lint and Eggshells.

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!

I can always tell the moms in the grocery store when they don't have any children with them. They're usually rocking the grocery cart.

The hand that rocks the... cart?

History repeats itself; that's one of the things that's wrong with history.

The only way to have a friend is to be one.

Life is what happens while you are making other plans.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

Marriage: a long conversation chequered by disputes.

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