Recycling

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 11:04 am

And here I thought you KNEW everything, Henry!

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 4:21 pm

This list has a couple of names by the songs so at least a very few are legit:

Although you're thirty, I still think you're purty.
Kinky Friedman / Panama Red

At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump

Does The Spearmint Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?
Billy Rose & Marty Bloom / Ernest Breuer

From The Gutter To You Ain't Up

Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

I Don't Want Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It

I Flushed You From The Toilet Of My Heart

I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2

I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

I Would Have Answered Your Letter Sooner, But You Didn't Send One

I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite

I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life

I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Almost Like Having You Here

If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me Her Memory Will

If I Can't Find Mister Right, I'll Settle For Mister Right Now

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

If I Had To Do It All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You

If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?
David & Howard Bellamy

If Today Was A Fish, I'd Throw It Back In

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead?

If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

If You Won't Leave Me Alone, I'll Find Someone Who Will

If Your Phone Ain't Ringing, It's Me

It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad

Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him

Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You

She Got The Gold Mine, I Got The Shaft

She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without

Take Your Tongue Out Of My Mouth, I'm Trying To Kiss You Goodbye

Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' To You

Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

What Made Milwaukee Famous Has Made A Fool Out Of Me
G. Sutton

You Are The North End Of A Southbound Pig

You Can't Deal Me All The Aces And Expect Me Not To Play

You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too

You're Ruining My Bad Reputation

You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly

You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life

And snopes.com doesn't seem to cover the reality of song titles. At least there's no "Songs" heading that I found. OTOH I did find the flirtyflirty.com web site.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 5:57 pm

Rules to live by......

1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6. Sometimes too much to drink is not enough.
7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
8. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
9. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
10. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
11. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
12. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
13. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
14. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
15. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
16. All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
17. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
18. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
19. By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.
20. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
21. The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
22. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
23. This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.
24. Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
25. The trouble with life is, you're halfway through it before you realize it's a do-it-yourself thing.
26. Youth and skill are no match for experience and treachery.
27. No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck.
28. Anything you do can get you fired; this includes doing nothing.
29. Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.
30. Never pass a snow plow on the right.

----------------------

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 9:47 am

Some of those are ......scary.

7. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

Yeah.....just ask any journalist

Post by **AnneB** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 10:12 am

These are actual songs, JT.

Does The Spearmint Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight? (actual title - Does your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?)Billy Rose & Marty Bloom / Ernest Breuer

I Don't Want Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It - sung by Janie Fricke

It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad (actual title - It's Not Love But It's not Bad) - sung by Merle Haggard

She Got The Gold Mine, I Got The Shaft - sung by Jerry Reed

What Made Milwaukee Famous Has Made A Fool Out Of Me - sung by Jerry Lee LewisG. Sutton

You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too - sung by the Statler Brothers

You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly - sung by Kacey Jones

And I thought there was a song that had a line about "I'd be getting out today" but I can't find it.

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 11:52 am

The song about the gum on the bedpost I heard by (I think I have the name right) Lonnie Donegan, a Brit who had a hit with it in the Pop/Rock field.
I never heard of the Jerry Lee Lewis song nor the ugly kid song. The others I remember hearing (especially with the corrections you made).

I just wonder why "I Forgot To Remember To Forget Her" never makes these lists? I don't know who originated it but Elvis had a moderate hit with it in the C&W field as a cover.

Post by **AnneB** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 1:03 pm

A couple of those others are familiar; I wonder if they are lines from songs but not the title.

Like this one: If Your Phone Ain't Ringing, It's Me. Only I think it says "it's not me calling"

And this one: You're Ruining My Bad Reputation

And I forgot the say that the Bellamy Brothers did have a real song called If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me.

Anne

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 3:39 pm

A couple of those others are familiar; I wonder if they are lines from songs but not the title.

I'd bet you're right. And maybe some wrong words in the mix to totally confuse things.

Like this one: If Your Phone Ain't Ringing, It's Me. Only I think it says "it's not me calling"

That sounds more familiar with that wording.

And this one: You're Ruining My Bad Reputation

Not unlike "Drink, Cheat & Lie". Or even "Some Beach, Somewhere."

And I forgot the say that the Bellamy Brothers did have a real song called If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me.

Now that one I've heard, also.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:54 pm

--------------------
If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek (TNG)
(author unknown)
Picard
Sigma Indri, that's the star,
So, Data, please, how far? How far?
Data
Our ship can get there very fast
But still the trip will last and last
We'll have two days til we arrive
But can the Indrans there survive?
Picard
LaForge, please give us factor nine.
LaForge
But, sir, the engines are offline!
Picard
Offline! But why? I want to go!
Please make it so, please make it so!
Riker
But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
The danger here is far too great!
Picard
But surely we must not be late!
Troi
I'm sensing anger and great ire.
Computer
Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire!
Picard:
The ship's on fire? How could this be?
Who lit the fire?
Riker
Not me.
Worf
Not me.
Picard
Computer, how long til we die?
Computer
Eight minutes left to say goodbye.
Data
May I suggest a course to take?
We could, I think, quite safely make
Extinguishers from tractor beams
And stop the fire, or so it seems...
Geordi
Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day!
Again I say, Hurray! Hurray!
Picard
Mr. Data, thank you much.
You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.
Troi
We still must save the Indran planet --
Data
Which (by the way) is made of granite...
Picard
Enough, you android. Please desist.
We understand -- we get your gist.
But can we get our ship to go?
Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.
Geordi
There's sabotage among the wires
And that's what started all the fires.
Riker
We have a saboteur? Oh, no!
We need to go! We need to go!
Troi
We must seek out the traitor spy
And lock him up and ask him why?
Worf
Ask him why? How sentimental.
I say give him problems dental.
Troi
Are any Romulan ships around?
Have scanners said that they've been found?
Or is it Borg or some new threat
We haven't even heard of yet?
I sense no malice in this crew.
Now what are we supposed to do?
Crusher
Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
I can't just sit and let them die!
A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!
Picard
Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.
Crusher
They may be dead by Tuesday noon.
*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*
Worf
The saboteur is in the brig.
He's very strong and very big.
I had my phaser set on stun --
A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one!
He would not budge, he would not fall,
He would not stun, no, not at all!
He changed into a stranger form
All soft and purple, round and warm.
Picard
Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
Did you see this creature morph?
Worf
I did and then I beat him fairly.
Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.
Riker
My commendations, Klingon friend!
Our troubles now are at an end!
Crusher
Now let's get our ship to fly
And orbit yonder Indran sky!
Picard
LaForge, please tell me we can go...?
Geordi
Yes, sir, we can.
Picard
Then make it so!
THE END

--------------------

Henry

Post by **AnneB** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 6:43 pm

Xjmt wrote: Or even "Some Beach, Somewhere."

I love that song.!

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:18 pm

Liked your Dr.Seuss, Henry.....that was super!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 5:08 pm

------------------------------------------
Happily Addicted to the Web
---------------------------
(to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',
From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
I'm happy--although
My boss let me go--
Happily addicted to the Web.

All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
There's beard on my cheek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to the Web.

Friends come by; they shake me,
Saying, "Yo, man!
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listless shrug, I mutter, "No, man;
I just discovered letterman-dot-com!"

I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I'm happily addicted to the Web!

------------------------------------------
The Bill Gates Song
-------------------
(to the tune of "The Christmas Song")

Netscape roasting on an open fire,
Apple begging on its knees,
Photo popping up on Time magazine,
Yes, Bill Gates dreams of days like these!
Everybody knows he's never fully satisfied,
Throws himself behind each task,
World dominion is his company's goal.
Well, hey, is that so much to ask?
He knows the world is in his sway,
We'll buy whatever software he might toss our way,
We'll surf his Internet, watch his TV,
He'll take us anywhere we ask him--for a fee.

And so we're offering this simple prayer,
To Bill and all his MS grunts:
Since we all follow any standard you write,
Make it good, please,
Make it good, please,
Make it good, please, just once!

------------------------------------------
Microsoft
---------
(to the tune of "Jingle Bells" starting with "dashing thru the snow...")

Nine-tenths of a gig,
Biggest ever seen,
God, this program's big--
MS Word 15!
Comes on ten CDs,
And requires--damn!
Word is fine, but jeez--
60 megs of RAM?!

Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,
Bloatware all the way!
I've sat here installing Word
Since breakfast yesterday!
Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,
Moderation, please.
Guess you hadn't noticed:
Four-gig drives don't grow on trees!

------------------------------------------
I'm Dreaming of a Clean System
-------------------------------
(to the tune of "White Christmas")

I'm dreaming of a clean System,
Something that fits on one CD.
Each component matches,
Not bits and patches,
Unlike 7-5-point-3.
I'm longing for a dream System,
Small, stable, fast, and trouble-free.
What we want, I think you'll agree,
Is called System 6-point-oh-3!

------------------------------------------
Prove It's So!
--------------
(to the tune of "Let It Snow")

Oh, the papers say Apple's dying,
But before we start good-byeing,
We should call them all up and go,
"Prove it's so! Prove it's so! Prove it's so!"

They say "Mac OS software's scarcer."
We say, "Read those numbers, there, sir,
Sales continued this year to grow.
There ya go, there ya go, there ya go!"

When they tell us Win 95
Made the Mac's famed advantages ebb,
We'll say, "Why, then, do Macs now drive
60 percent of the Web?"

We can win our PR reversal--
Make the Mac be universal--
Though we may have some years to go,
Make it so, make it so, make it so!

------------------------------------------
God Rest Ye Copland Programmers
-------------------------------
(to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen")

God rest ye Copland programmers,
It's finally Christmas Day.
You've all worked 20-hour shifts
Beginning back in May.
No wonder after such neglect
Your spouses moved away.
The last real meal you had
Was late last year--
That's what we hear;
And since then you've lived on
Pizza, Coke, and beer.

Your bosses change, and change their minds,
Is Copland off or on?
Are last week's OS plans in place
Or now completely gone?
God rest ye well this Christmas Day,
You'd better sleep in late--
It's the last sleep you'll get till '98.
Isn't that great?
It's the last day off you'll have till '98!

------------------------------------------

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 12:35 pm

And you made these all up by your own wittle self....right, Henry?

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 1:42 pm

Well, er - would you believe: nope!

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 3:35 pm

Do you mean to tell us that you've been STEALING them??