Recycling

[lswot]

I tried to pull the wool over your eyes...........

[Henry J]

She said, sheepishly...

[lswot]

She said, sheepishly...

[Henry J]

Have Fun Game

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Have Fun (but no peeking!). Let me know your score. Write your answers on a paper..........there are 20 questions........... Average score: 12

1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?

A. Flintstones vitamins
B. The buttmaster
C. Spaghetti
D. Wonder Bread
E. Orange Juice
F. Milk
G. Cod Liver Oil

2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was...

A. Sugar Ray Robinson
B. Roy Orbison
C. Gene Autry
D. Rudolph Valentino
E. Fabian
F. Mickey Mantle
G. Cassius Clay

3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, 'We have met the enemy and...

A. It's you
B. He is us
C. It's the Grinch
D. He wasn't home
E. He's really mean
F. We quit
G. He surrendered

4. Good night, David.

A. Good night, Chet
B. Sleep well
C. Good Night, Irene
D. Good Night, Gracie
E. See you later, alligator
F. Until tomorrow
G. Good night, Steve

5. You'll wonder where the yellow went,

A. When you use Tide
B. When you lose your crayons
C. When you clean your tub
D. If you paint the room blue
E. If you buy a soft water tank
F. When you use Lady Clairol
G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent

6. Before he was the Skipper's Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's friend,

A. Stuart Whitman
B. Randolph Scott
C. Steve Reeves
D. Maynard G. Krebbs
E. Corky B. Dork
F. Dave the Whale
G. Zippy Zoo

7. Liar, liar...

A. You're a liar
B. Your nose is growing
C. Pants on fire
D. Join the choir
E. Jump up higher
F. On the wire
G. I'm telling Mom

8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and...

A. Wheaties
B. Lois Lane
C. TV ratin gs
D. World peace
E. Red tights
F. The American way
G. News headlines

9 . Hey, kids, what time is it?

A. It's time for Yogi Bear
B. It's time to do your homework
C. It's Howdy Doody Time
D. It's Time for Romper Room
E. It's bedtime
F. The Mighty Mouse Hour
G. Scoopy Doo Time

10. Lions and tigers and bears...

A. Yikes
B. Oh no
C. Gee whiz
D. I'm scared
E. Oh My
F. Help Help
H. Let's run

11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone

A. Over 40
B. Wearing a uniform
C. Carrying a briefcase
D. Over 30
E. You don't know
F. Who says, 'Trust me'
G. Who eats tofu

12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women's stockings.

A. Troy Aikman
B. Kenny Stabler
C. Joe Namath
D. Roger Stauback
E. Joe Montana
F. Steve Young
G. John Elway

13. Brylcream...

A. Smear it on
B. You'll smell great
C. Tame that cowlick
D. Greaseball heaven
E. It's a dream
F. We're your team
G. A little dab'll do ya

14. I found my thrill...

A. In Blueberry muffins
B. With my man, Bill
C. Down at the mill
D. Over the windowsill
E. With thyme and dill
F. Too late to enjoy
G. On Blueberry Hill

15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by

A. Clark Gable
B. Mary Martin
C. Doris Day
D. Errol Flynn
E. Sally Fields
F. Jim Carey
G. Jay Leno

16. Name the Beatles

A. John, Steve, George , Ringo
B. John, Paul, George , Roscoe
C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
D. Jay, Paul, George , Ringo
E. Lewis, Peter, George , Ringo
F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel
G. John, Paul, George , Ringo

17. I wonder, wonder, who

A. Who ate the leftovers?
B. Who did the laundry?
C. Was it you?
D. Who wrote the book of love?
E. Who I am?
F. Passed the test?
G. Knocked on the door?

18. I'm strong to the finish

A. Cause I eats my broccoli
B. Cause I eats me spinach
C. Cause I lift weights
D. Cause I'm the hero
E. And don't you forget it
F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me
G. To outlast Bruto

19. When it's least expected, you're elected, you're the star today...

A. Smile, you're on Candid Camera
B. Smile, you're on Star Search
C. Smile, you won the lottery
D. Smile, we're watching you
E. Smile, the world sees you
F. Smile, you're a hit
G. Smile, you're on TV

20. What do M & M's do?

A. Make your tummy happy
B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket
C. Make you fat
D. Melt your heart
E. Make you popular
F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand
G. Come in colors

.

Okay , now scroll down for the answers!

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Here are the right answers:

1 D - Wonder Bread
2 G - Cassius Clay
3 B - He Is Us
4 A - Good night, Chet
5 G - When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6 D - Maynard G. Krebbs
7 C - Pants On Fire
8 F - The American Way
9 C - It's Howdy Doody Time
10 E - Oh My
11 D - Over 30
12 C - Joe Namath
13 G - A little dab'll do ya
14 G - On Blueberry Hill
15 B - Mary Martin
16 G - John, Paul, George , Ringo
17 D - Who wrote the book of Love
18 B - Cause I eats me spinach
19 A - Smile, you're on Candid Camera
20 F - Melt In Your Mouth Not In Your Hand

(I got 19 of the 20.)

Henry

[lswot]

20 out of 20

[brian]

World's oldest joke traced back to 1900 BC

The world's oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today.

It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."

It heads the world's oldest top 10 joke list published by the University of Wolverhampton Thursday.

A 1600 BC gag about a pharaoh, said to be King Snofru, comes second -- "How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."

The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- "What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."

"Jokes have varied over the years, with some taking the question and answer format while others are witty proverbs or riddles," said the report's writer Dr Paul McDonald, senior lecturer at the university.

"What they all share however, is a willingness to deal with taboos and a degree of rebellion. Modern puns, Essex girl jokes and toilet humor can all be traced back to the very earliest jokes identified in this research."

The study was commissioned by television channel Dave. The top 10 oldest jokes can be viewed at www.dave-tv.co.uk.

[lswot]

I sayeth....who wouldeth knowneth.

[brian]

And then the fight started...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too'

And then the fight started...

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years a go, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

And then the fight started...

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.

And then the fight started...

Menopause Jewelery

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the ther day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.

When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb ass.

[lswot]

[Henry J]

Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'
The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.'
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Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, 'What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!'
The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!'
The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.'
He said, 'Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.' The group fell silent.
The priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'
The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.' Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.'
The last one said, 'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer.
Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Henry

[lswot]

A self portrait, Henry?

[Henry J]

I resemble that remark!

Henry

[lswot]

[Henry J]

I went to buy

some camouflage trousers

the other day,

but I couldn't find any.

Henry

[Henry J]

MY LIVING WILL

Last night my sister and I were sitting in the den and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

She's such a bugger

Henry