Recycling

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Nov 03, 2008 7:07 pm

From another BB:

KIDS!!!! Don'tcha just love 'em?????
A high school class was discussing the qualifications to be president Of the United States.

It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However. one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president. The teacher and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating...... "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by c-section?"

Found in the Breeze Courier newspaper, Taylorville, IL. Unknown author

I can't tell if this is a joke or what. But it made me laugh.

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 11:39 am

"I can't tell if this is a joke or what. But it made me laugh."

Me too!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Nov 04, 2008 8:19 pm

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here. .

dikc CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken doesn't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Mr. Spock: Obviously, it was the logical thing to do at the time.

Buffy: It needed to slay an egg.

Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Nov 24, 2008 8:51 pm

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'

The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the greeter. 'I just couldn't believe someone would sleep with you twice.

Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Tue Nov 25, 2008 10:06 am

Good answer.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Nov 25, 2008 8:12 pm

In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.
John Adams

If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress ... But then I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 2:04 pm

Great quotes!!!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 2:16 pm

if con is the opposite of pro, then congress is the opposite of ...

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 5:45 pm

Not a true Thanksgiving story, but...

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick.

She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey.

She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something,

she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, 'Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!'

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.

It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Wed Nov 26, 2008 6:12 pm

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:35 pm

It also shows that in most cases the quality of life for prisoners has improved considerably from what you might expect. And I always thought Prison was for Punishment!!!
Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this comparison list should make things a little bit clearer:

@ PRISON
You spend most of your time in a 10X10 cell

@ WORK
You spend most of your time in a 6X6 cubicle

@ PRISON
You get three fully paid for meals a day

@ WORK
You get a break for one meal, and you have to pay for it

@ PRISON
For good behavior, you get time off

@ WORK
For good behavior, you get more work

@ PRISON
The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you

@ WORK
You must carry a security card and open all the doors yourself

@ PRISON
You can watch TV and play games

@ WORK
You could get fired for watching TV and playing games

@ PRISON
You get your own toilet

@ WORK
You have to share the toilet with people who pee on the seat

@ PRISON
They allow your family and friends to visit

@ WORK
You aren't even supposed to speak to your family

@ PRISON
All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required on your part

@ WORK
You must pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners

@ PRISON
You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out

@ WORK
You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars

THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE.

Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 12:18 pm

person 1: "Eschew obfuscation!"

person 2: "Gesundheit."

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:18 pm

Henry J wrote:person 1: "Eschew obfuscation!"

person 2: "Gesundheit."

LHawke · Post by **LHawke** » Thu Dec 25, 2008 11:28 am

lswot wrote:
Henry J wrote:person 1: "Eschew obfuscation!"

person 2: "Gesundheit."

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