Recycling

[lswot]

Romulans have an inflated sense of ego for a reason. It's warranted.

And cloaked, so it's invisible to everybody else...

Henry

You may have that backwards, Henry.

[LHawke]

Just because something is unseen does not mean it isn't there...

(Just because I am paranoid, doesn't mean someone isn't out to get me)

[lswot]

Just because something is unseen does not mean it isn't there...

(Just because I am paranoid, doesn't mean someone isn't out to get me)

Riiiiiiight.......

[Henry J]

In that case, get those shields up!

[Henry J]

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Some Cat's New Years Resolutions
================================

My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.

I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.

I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink's drain.

I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.

I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.

I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.

We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.

Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

I will not intrude on my human's candle-lit bubble bath and singe my bottom.

I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.

Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.

The dog can see me coming when I stalk her. She can see me and will move out of the way when I pounce, letting me smash into floors and walls. That does not mean I should take it as a personal insult when my humans sit there and laugh.

I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.

Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

I am a walking static generator. My human doesn't need my help installing a new board in her computer.

================================

Henry

[LHawke]

Thanks Henry,

I was laughing so hard I was crying.

My cats sound more like a herd of elephants than wildebeasts and one of them definitely thinks my arms are a hammock when I am typing.

[brian]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3iFhLdWjqc

[lswot]

[LHawke]

what she said...

[brian]

I've never seen cats do that. Is that paw-pattycaking some kind of agressive move, or prelude to one? It clearly got aggressive when it turned to face-swatting and biting, but the patient paw-on-paw thing is really odd.

[Xjmt]

Generally speaking I've noticed that both cats and dogs "play" at fighting so it can be difficult to tell just when one is POd at the other.

[Henry J]

************************************************
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

************************************************

Henry

[Henry J]

PUNS, Don't blame me,,, I didn't write them!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a peach.

10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

12. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

13. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

14. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. A backward poet writes in reverse.

17 In democracy it's your vote that counts. In Feudalism it's your Count that votes.

18. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion

-----------------------------------

[Henry J]

=====================
There are three ingredients to the good life; learning, earning, and yearning.

(Good weather helps, too.)

The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.

(Yeah, cause he who doesn't learn from history will wind up repeating it - in summer school.)

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

(Ah, but spending it is another matter.)

Music . . . can name the unnameable and communicate the unknowable.

(But can it name Lord Voldemort?)

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

(Eschew obfuscation! Avoid superfluous redundancies!)

If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.

(And that would be a pane.)

The wise man avoids evil by anticipating it.

(And if you must try an evil, pick the one you haven't tried before!)

=====================

Henry

[LHawke]