Recycling

[Henry J]

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

*****

Henry

[Henry J]

When the mouse laughs at the cat, there is a hole nearby.

Nigerian Proverb

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You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far.

Uncle Remus

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Henry

[lswot]

"You can't run away from trouble. There ain't no place that far"

Get ready, get set.......Goooooooooooal oops.....I mean Goooooooooo!

[Henry J]

[Henry J]

Uncle Bob called United Airlines and asked for a reservation from Los Angeles to New York. The clerk knew that the plane was very full with baggage and passengers.

"How much do you weigh, sir?" asked the clerk.

"With or without clothes?" Uncle Bob asked.

"Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"

*****

[lswot]

As a Wing Walker??

[Henry J]

*****

I remember taking my youngest for a immunization shot once. She was about four. The nurse came into the room and Spud immediately started screaming, "NO NO NO NO!"

"Spud," I said, "that's not polite behavior.

She started hollering even louder, "NO, THANK YOU! NO, THANK YOU! NO THANK YOU!"

[And they say nobody teaches manners any more! ]

*****

[lswot]

[Henry J]

The wife heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left.

She said, "Hon, I thought you were going to your lodge meeting."

"It was postponed," he replied. "The Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate's wife wouldn't let him attend tonight."

*****

Henry

[Henry J]

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to study this stuff?"

"To save lives," the professor responded and continued with the lecture.

A few minutes later the same student spoke up again. "So, how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.

*****

Henry

[lswot]

Good one!

[Henry J]

Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture.

"Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?" someone asked.

"I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to move if he's not on it."

*****

If you want to avoid domestic strife, don't marry in January, or any other month either.

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E==MC2 means Energy==morning X 2 cups of coffee.

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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

*****

Henry

[lswot]

[Henry J]

Driving our family to a new restaurant, I took several wrong turns. When I finally found the right road, I asked my husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?"

"I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where you're going when I'm driving."

*****

Pun of the Day:

A thief who stole cutlery without leaving a clue was called the stainless stealer.

*****

Henry

[lswot]