Recycling

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Oct 07, 2014 6:45 pm

A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.

There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted."

The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."

*****
A teacher observed a boy with dirty hands entering the classroom. She stopped him and said, "John, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?"

With a smile the boy replied, "I think I'd be too polite to mention it."

*****
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

Mark Twain (1835-1910)

*****

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Wed Oct 08, 2014 9:49 am

"Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

Mark Twain (1835-1910)"

So true....so true.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Oct 08, 2014 6:41 pm

Absotively!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Oct 08, 2014 6:43 pm

"If bankers can count, how come they always have ten windows and two tellers?"
-- Milton Berle

(I'll never tell!)

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Thu Oct 09, 2014 7:48 am

Henry J wrote:"If bankers can count, how come they always have ten windows and two tellers?"
-- Milton Berle

(I'll never tell!)

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Oct 09, 2014 4:15 pm

The coed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried.

"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake."

"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

*****

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Thu Oct 09, 2014 5:31 pm

rut ro

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Oct 10, 2014 5:35 pm

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office with a concerned look on his face.

"Doc," he says, "I'm worried. It's that dream. I'm having it again!"

"What dream?" asked the psychiatrist.

"You know," says the man, "the one where I'm into sadism and bestiality and necrophilia. Should I be worried . . . or am I just beating a dead horse?"

( NEIGH! )

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Oct 11, 2014 9:45 am

*groan*

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Oct 11, 2014 10:41 am

Take two acetylsalicylic acid pills and call Dr. Crusher (or McCoy, or Bashir, or a hollow doc) in the moaning.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Oct 11, 2014 10:42 am

INFAMOUS QUOTES OF STATE TROOPERS

"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them a while."

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

"Just how big were those 'two beers'?"

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want.

*****

(I didn't do it!)

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Oct 11, 2014 5:17 pm

Words you've heard I take it.

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Sun Oct 12, 2014 12:19 pm

lswot wrote:Ouch

Actually was too drugged to feel any "ouches".

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Sun Oct 12, 2014 12:20 pm

lswot wrote:Words you've heard I take it.

The Show Place

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