Recycling

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Thu Oct 23, 2014 11:29 am

good answer, really......

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Oct 23, 2014 5:43 pm

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and having the two as close together as possible. (George Burns)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. (Mark Twain)

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. (Mark Twain)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (Groucho Marx)

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech -- every now and then she stops to breathe. (Jimmy Durante)

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. (Jilly Cooper)

I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. (Zsa Zsa Gabor)

*****

Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Oct 24, 2014 5:47 pm

Amanpreet was talking to his doctor about drinking more water. "Doc, I know you told me to drink more water, but would it be all right if I flavored it with something?"

His doctor asked, "Like what?"

Amanpreet replied, "Like Scotch."

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Some bars have the strangest rules when ya think about it. I mean, why do I have to wear a shirt and tie to go in a bar to see a topless dancer?

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Oct 25, 2014 9:01 am

funny

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Oct 25, 2014 10:02 am

Alice was asked to bake a cake for the church ladies' group bake sale.

It slipped her mind until the last minute.

She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.

She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."

In a panic, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom, a roll of toilet paper.

She plunked it in and covered it with icing.

The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church

Alice then gave her daughter some money and instructions to be at the sale the minute it opened, to buy that cake (whatever the cost) and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, Alice's attractive cake had already been sold.

Alice was beside herself.

A couple of days later Alice was invited to a friend's home where the ladies group was playing bridge.

After the game a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert.

Alice saw the cake, she started to get off her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, "What a beautiful cake!"

Alice sat back in her chair with total relief when she heard the hostess say proudly, "Thank you, I baked it myself."

*****

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Oct 25, 2014 4:59 pm

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Oct 26, 2014 8:10 am

Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, " the price will be only $5.50."

From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only 50 cents?"

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To expect defeat is nine-tenths of defeat itself.

Francis Crawford

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To be great is to be misunderstood.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

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Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Oct 27, 2014 7:35 pm

My husband's skills with do-it-yourself home repairs are at best mediocre. After spending several evenings trying to fix a leak in the bathroom, he finally admitted defeat and called a plumber, who finished the job in ten minutes.

Watching him put away his equipment, my son asked what had been the problem.

"Well," the plumber replied, "seems that your father got hold of some tools . . . "

(That one reminds me of the Cosby show.

)

*****

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Tue Oct 28, 2014 10:42 am

I remember that one....

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Oct 28, 2014 11:49 am

The bathroom plumber episode of Cosby?

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Tue Oct 28, 2014 5:09 pm

Uh, yeah.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Oct 28, 2014 6:30 pm

So what did you do with my sledge hammer??

Then when he asked one of the plumber team if she'd hire him. Her answer was something like "no, I've seen your work"

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Oct 28, 2014 6:36 pm

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table. And, she didn't miss them until after they had been driving about twenty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.!

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. And as the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her......."While you're in there, you might as well get my hat."

*****

(BTW, what was it that I was in here after?)

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 5:20 pm

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Oct 29, 2014 6:45 pm

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We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex - but Congress can.

Cullen Hightower

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The problem with political jokes is that too many of them get elected.

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Another problem is that you always wind up with somebody dumb enough to actually want the job.

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The prefix "poly" means many. The work "tick" means a small blood sucking creature. Put them together!

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(Say, I wonder what reminded me of those at this time? Surely not that stack of junk mail!)

Henry

The Show Place

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