Recycling

[Henry J]

Maybe, but that day is not today!

[Henry J]

------------------------------------------
God Rest Ye Copland Programmers
-------------------------------
(to the tune of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen")

God rest ye Copland programmers,
It's finally Christmas Day.
You've all worked 20-hour shifts
Beginning back in May.
No wonder after such neglect
Your spouses moved away.
The last real meal you had
Was late last year--
That's what we hear;
And since then you've lived on
Pizza, Coke, and beer.

Your bosses change, and change their minds,
Is Copland off or on?
Are last week's OS plans in place
Or now completely gone?
God rest ye well this Christmas Day,
You'd better sleep in late--
It's the last sleep you'll get till '98.
Isn't that great?
It's the last day off you'll have till '98!

------------------------------------------

[lswot]

Hmmm...All Christmas songs.....I've heard of people being a day short....but, a whole month?

[Henry J]

It snowed last week...

[Henry J]

---------------------------
Why did the chicken cross the road?

Chakotay: Whatever its reason, whatever its goals, we should respect its right to cross the road and seek its own spiritual awareness.

Garak: Why, Doctor, whatever makes you think that *I*, a simple tailor, would know anything about chickens?

Neelix: Actually, Captain, I'm not really familiar with the chickens in this system. But, if you can catch it, I can cook it.

Riker: I don't know why, but I know how: with pleasure, sir.

Worf: I don't know. KLINGON chickens do NOT cross roads.

HoloDoc: How should I know? No one tells me anything around here. I didn't even know we added chickens to the crew. All I know is that it would have been nice, BEFORE the chicken went off to the cross the road, if it had remembered to turn me off!

Dr. Crusher: If there's nothing wrong with the chicken, there must be something wrong with the universe.

Dr. Soran: His heart just wasn't in it. (Scenes of chicken torture with nanoprobes have been edited out.)

Scotty: Because she couldna take much more of it.

Odo: I don't know, but I'm sure it must be Quark's fault.

Quark: Who, me?

Charlie X: Because it didn't want to STAY... STAY... STAY...

Troi: I feel the chicken's pain!

Bones: Dammit, I'm a doctor, not an ornithologist!

Data: The chicken, in observing that it was on the opposite side of the 20th century Terran paved roadway, was aware that its immediate goal should have been to traverse the distance without interception by an kind of combustion-propelled personal transport vehicle, but I am unclear as to why any kind of domesticated fowl should desire to perambulate upon a conveyance normally reserved for the usage of...
yes, sir.

Dr. Bashir: It probably heard about my amazing medical skills not to mention my sexual prowess and came to get some pointers.

Seven of Nine: Crossing the road is irrelevant.

---------------------------

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

Col. Sanders: I missed one?

[lswot]

Spock: I suppose the logical "to get to the other side" never occured to them.

[Henry J]

More poultry in motion:

Why did the chicken cross the road... Star Trek style

James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Scotty: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning ploperly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain.

Dr. McCoy: Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a farmer.

Mr. Spock: Obviously it was the logical thing to do. [It did occur to them after all! ]

Mr. Data: Why is a barnyard fowl crossing a thoroughfare humorous?

Mr. Worf: For the honor of all chickens!

Counselor Troi: I knew it was going to happen, I could sense it.

Computer: Insufficient information. [the computer lacked Data]

---------------------------------

[lswot]

"Mr. Spock: Obviously it was the logical thing to do. [It did occur to them after all! ]

Well you know what they say: Great minds......

[Henry J]

Well you know what they say: Great minds......

meld?

[lswot]

smarty

[Henry J]

Subject: Dilbert Dictionary

The Expanded Dilbert vocabulary:

Assmosis - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves.

Blowing your buffer - Losing your train of thought.

Salmon day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Chainsaw consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM - Career-limiting move - Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Depotphobia - Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia.

Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.

-----------------------------

[Henry J]

Continued:

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message404 Not Found, meaning that the requested document could not be located. Don't bother asking him...he's 404, man.

Generica - Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, sub-divisions. Used as in "We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in."

Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.

Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Prairie Dogging - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

Telephone Number Salary - A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.

Umfriend - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in This is Dale, my... um... friend.

Yuppie Food Stamps - the ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps.

-----------------------------

[lswot]

"Yuppie Food Stamps - the ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."

At least in Vegas...when you use an ATM they spit out $100 dollar bills but there is a 'change' machine which you use to break them down. The only machine I made money on, really......so to speak.

[Xjmt]

[Henry J]

Change is inevitable.

Except from vending machines.