Recycling

[Henry J]

How come?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

------------

[Henry J]

How come?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

------------

[Henry J]

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

------------

[Henry J]

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
-- Victor Borge

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
-- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
-- Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx

------------

[Henry J]

Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
-- Spike Milligan

I am opposed to millionaires... but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
-- Mark Twain

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
-- Bob Hope

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you.
-- Winston Churchill

------------

[lswot]

Do you ever get the feeling we're the only one's here?

Like your 'pithy' sayings......

[Henry J]

Who said that?!?

[lswot]

Guess who?

[Henry J]

Kathryn Janeway?

[Henry J]

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... but every thing else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

------------

[Henry J]

A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems but, it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
--Herm Albright

[That's sort of like, be nice to your enemies, because nothing annoys them so much!]

Being a Woman is a terribly difficult task since it consists principally in dealing with men.
--Joseph Conrad

[I resemble that remark!]

------------

[lswot]

"[I resemble that remark!]"

If the shoe fits.........

[Henry J]

But what if the shoe's on the other foot?

[Henry J]

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names , and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

------------

[Henry J]

* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once
Some days you're the windshield... and some days you're the bug.
The close mouth gathers no foot.
Eschew obfuscation.

------------