Recycling

[Henry J]

Newest son-in-law A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law.

I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family, said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.

The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise'.

"I see," replied the father-in-law. Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.

"I hate office work", said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day".

"Wait a minute, said the father-in-law. I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?"

"Easy, said the young man. Buy me out".

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[Henry J]

Expect the worst and you won't be disappointed.

[Or, if ya like sausage, expect the wurst, instead. ]

[Henry J]

Being punctual in our Office was of no benefit what-so-ever. There was never anybody around to appreciate it.

[Henry J]

An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.

[Or as bad!]

[Henry J]

Change is good, but dollars are better.

[And it's inevitable, except from vending machines.]

[Henry J]

Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius.

[But, never underestimate human stupidity!]

[Henry J]

Subject: Best Drunk Story

A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"

The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.

The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"

The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.

The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"

At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says...................
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> "Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk."

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[Henry J]

If the shoe fits, it's too expensive.

[Oh, deer!]

[Henry J]

Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery.

[What'd you say?]

[Henry J]

A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.

[And, a closed mouth gathers no foot]

[Henry J]

Nobody loves me but my mother, And she could be jivin' too.

[Was that a Freudian slip?]

[Henry J]

It is useless to send armies against ideas.

[Sneaky little things, huh?]

[Henry J]

England and America are two countries separated by the same language.

[But with incompatible spell checkers]

[Henry J]

The Pasta Diet and Your Health

ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !!

1.. You walka pasta da bakery.

2.. You walka pasta da candy store.

3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop

4.. You walka pasta da table and fridge.

You will lose weight!

[Henry J]

AND......

CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR DIET?

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like - Speaking English is apparently what kills you!

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Pasta la vista!