Jokes
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lswot
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If man came from Monkey's.....how come we still have Monkey's? 
Anaheim had a big bruhaha about the new owner of the Angels naming the team The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. They took it to court and lost.
My Nephew told me yesterday that we now have The Los Angeles Winds of Santa Ana.
(
Trucker)
Anaheim had a big bruhaha about the new owner of the Angels naming the team The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. They took it to court and lost.
My Nephew told me yesterday that we now have The Los Angeles Winds of Santa Ana.
(
Trucker)
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
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trucker2000
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brian
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If I descended from my parents, why do they still exist? 
And if I descended from my grandparents, how is it that my cousins' families did too? Isn't descent supposed to be a straight line where the descendants replace the ancestors, one-for-one?
And if I descended from my grandparents, how is it that my cousins' families did too? Isn't descent supposed to be a straight line where the descendants replace the ancestors, one-for-one?
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."-- Eleanor Roosevelt
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lswot
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Ohhh, Edsels weren't so bad.....they just looked like a glorified Buick.Xjmt wrote:First you had the Model "T" then they begat the Edsel. Now there you go!
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
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trucker2000
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- Location:California, USA
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A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spend $15,000
and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a
newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope
you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply.
"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the
very same question.
The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."
The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on
her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and
asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to
her the same question.
He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was
young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very
forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then,
and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best
of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very
slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently
pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against
each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?"
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says,
"Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you
tell?"
The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise I won't." she says.
"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a
newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope
you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 32," is the reply.
"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the
very same question.
The girl replies, "I'd guess about 29."
The woman replies with a big smile, "Nope, I'm 50."
Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on
her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and
asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I'm 50, but thank you!"
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to
her the same question.
He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was
young, there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very
forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then,
and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the best
of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very
slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently
pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against
each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?"
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says,
"Madam, you are 50."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you
tell?"
The old man says, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"I promise I won't." she says.
"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
You can teach an old dog new tricks. 
Sometimes.
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lswot
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trucker2000
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A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a
contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, and she points
out the colors she wants.
She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige,
very soft and warm."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then
he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"
The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide.
They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like
a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then
he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"!
The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide.
They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd
like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then
once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"!
This is too much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell
you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green
side up.' What on earth does that mean?"
The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four blondes laying
sod across the street."
contractor in to help her. They wander around the house, and she points
out the colors she wants.
She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige,
very soft and warm."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then
he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"
The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide.
They wander into the next room. She says, "In the dining room I'd like
a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then
he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"!
The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide.
They wander further into the next room. She says, "In the bedroom, I'd
like blue. Restful, peaceful, cool blue."
The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it. Then
once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"!
This is too much. The woman has to ask. So she says, "Every time I tell
you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green
side up.' What on earth does that mean?"
The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four blondes laying
sod across the street."
You can teach an old dog new tricks.
Sometimes.
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Sometimes.
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