Recycling

[lswot]

words to .....well, if not live by....then to ponder.....

[Henry J]

Ah, a ponderous conclusion...

[lswot]

But of course.....

[Henry J]

A horse, a horse...

Oops, wrong thread...

[Henry J]

THE HUSBAND STORE

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store

MEANWHILE..

A New Wives store opened across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third through sixth floors have never been visited...

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[lswot]

A horse, a horse...

Oops, wrong thread...

And besides.....you have no Kingdom.

[Henry J]

Kingdom -> phylum

[lswot]

[phylum] (ps....I admit I had to look that one up.)

So which division of the animal kingdom are you?
You know what's related to a horse, don't you?

[Henry J]

A kid's view on marriage

What Exactly Is Marriage?
Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents. Eric, six years old

When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out. Anita, nine years old

How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry?
You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one. Kelly, nine years old

My mother says to look for a man who is kind... That's what I'll do... I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome. Carolyn, eight years old

Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married
Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife. Bert, five years old

My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind. Jeremy, eight years old

Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love. Craig, nine years old

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[Henry J]

A kid's view on marriage (continued)

How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet?
They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down... It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values. Lottie, nine years old

What Do Most People Do on a Date? On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. Martin, ten years old

When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone?
You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding. Allan, ten years old

Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you.... If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours. Kally, nine years old

The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married?
You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan. Kirsten, ten years old

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them. Anita, nine years old

It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble. Will, seven years old

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[lswot]

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble. Will, seven years old"

That was the best one!!!! Couldn't agree more.......

[Henry J]

A Middle Aged Woman
A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.
"Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years! There's nothing you can't tell me."
"This one's kind of strange..."
"Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.
"Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and I heard a plink-plink in the toilet; when I looked down, the water was full of pennies."
"I see."
"That afternoon I went again and there were nickels in the bowl."
"Uh-huh."
"That night," she went on, "there were dimes and this morning there were quarters! You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!" she implored, "I'm scared out of my wits!"
The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's nothing to be scared about. . ."

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(Ready for this?)
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(I'm warning you.....)

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(Still not too late.....)

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"You're simply going through the change."

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Roger Stegman

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[lswot]

Oh, my........well, you did warn me.

[Henry J]

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when
stopped by the police, had almost murdered the officer. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his place of business, had an affair with his boss's wife and taken illegal drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full good and loving people."..

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and give his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Moral: DON'T EVER BE LATE

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[lswot]

oh, yeah.......tsk tsk.