Recycling

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Tue Jun 02, 2015 3:05 pm

lswot wrote:And your point?

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Jun 02, 2015 5:58 pm

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

Sign seen in the vicinity of Victoria Station: Closed for official opening.

Sign on a government issue car: Fulton county disaster coordinator.

Sign on an asphalt truck: Let us fill your crack! the tub.

Sign in a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

Sign at a muffler shop: No muff too tough for us!

Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Wed Jun 03, 2015 9:03 am

Uh, what kind of car does an elephant drive?

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Jun 03, 2015 11:35 am

A really large one?

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Jun 03, 2015 5:53 pm

Sign in a Japanese Hotel room: In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside

Sign seen on an electricity pylon: DANGER! To touch these wires will result in instant death. Anyone found doing so will be severely prosecuted.

Sign in a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

Sign in a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

Sign in a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

Office sign: Ace exterminating - we kill bugs dead, walk-ins welcome.

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Thu Jun 04, 2015 10:53 am

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Jun 04, 2015 6:12 pm

Sign in a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Spotted in a toilet of a London office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In an office: AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Message on a leaflet: IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR (THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

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lswot · Post by **lswot** » Fri Jun 05, 2015 10:30 am

can't be too literal, here.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Jun 05, 2015 5:57 pm

Beware the fury of a patient man. John Dryden

Confusion creates jobs.

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good.

Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren't.

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.

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Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Jun 06, 2015 6:04 pm

Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Chipped dishes never break.

Boldly going forward because we cannot find reverse.

Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce multiple interpretations.

Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.

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Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Jun 07, 2015 3:55 pm

Blessed are those who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.

Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed.

Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it for he shall enjoy living.

Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the former - Einstein

The closed mouth gathers no foot.

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Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Jun 08, 2015 6:12 pm

Build something foolproof and every fool will use it.

An engineer who thinks his machine is foolproof is underestimating the ingenuity of fools.

Bureaucracy: a method for transforming energy into solid waste.

--By the time you can make ends meet, they've moved the ends.

By the time you have the right answers, no one is asking you questions.

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

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Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Jun 09, 2015 3:53 pm

Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough. - Descartes

Common sense is not so common.

Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough. - Descartes,

Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to work twelve hours a day. - Robert Frost

Eschew obfuscation!

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Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Jun 10, 2015 6:15 pm

Things learned from college

Computer games go in and out faster than the latest fashions.
Any game can be made into a drinking game.
Disney movies are more than just classics.
Find one thing you like in the dining hall and go with it.
You will hear more stupid nicknames than you ever thought possible.
Phone calls almost never happen and when they do, you just don't get the messages.
Cereal makes a meal any time of day.
Keep your high school term papers; nowadays, everything is recycled.
ATMs are the devil's advocate.
Beware the boy in the Care Bear toga.
You almost forget how to drive.
You'll drink anything if it's free.
People still cheat, it's just more technologically advanced.
You get really good with excuses for skipping class.
The girl you're going to marry may live right next door, so keep your stereo down.
Ordering food at 1 am is a common occurance.
You never realized how cool you can be.
TV becomes a bigger time sucker than ever before.
You realize how great your hell summer job was once you get to work study.
Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them more than ever before.
You meet the type of people you only thought existed in the movies.
You learn to sleep with light, noise, extreme temps, and roommates snoring.
You don't have to cover your textbooks anymore.
You become a juggler with the balance between school, friends, girls, activities, work, parties...
You live for chicken finger day at the cafeteria.
People that were geeks in high school seem okay now.
You begin to realize that college is about the ideal lifestyle, except for those pesky classes.
You get good at rationalizing on whether to do homework or not (usually not).
Procrastination becomes an art.
Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires (for example, see number 12).
The only reason you ever dress up is when everything else is dirty.
Your parents start to tell you stories about their college days.
With all the wealth of knowledge around you, you start to feel like you're on intellectual welfare.
Going to the mini-mart is a major treat.
Amount of alcohol consumed is directly proportional to grade point average.
You have two kinds of shoes: everyday shoes and party shoes.

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Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Jun 11, 2015 5:20 pm

Business one liners

Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.

Anything labeled "New" and/or "Improved" isn't. The label means the price went up. The label "All New", "Completely New", or "Great New" means the price went way up.

Anything that doesn't eat you today is saving you for tomorrow.

Anything that is designed to do more than one thing cannot do any of them well.

Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.

Appearances are not everything; it just looks like they are.

As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?

As soon as the stewardess serves the coffee, the airline encounters turbulence.

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