Recycling

[Henry J]

As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

As they say in Beirut, Shiite happens.

Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.

Assumption is the mother of all foul-ups.

At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.

Automatic simply means that you can't repair it yourself.

Bad news drives good news out of the media.

Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from the floor.

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[Henry J]

Batman is the hero any of us could be, given determination, exercise, and deep psychological trauma.

Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes clear to the bone.

Before you give a colleague a piece of your mind, be sure you can spare it.

Being a good communicator means people find out what is really wrong with you.

Believing is seeing.

Better latent than never.

Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.

Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.

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[Henry J]

The Three Little Pigs

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order.

"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy.

"I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner.

"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy.

"I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

"I want a banana split," said the first piggy.

"I want a root beer float," said the second piggy.

"I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy.

"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy," but why have you only ordered beer all evening?"

The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"

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(Where's that big bad wolf when ya need 'em... )

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[lswot]

[Henry J]

Hope that's synthohol!

[Xjmt]

[lswot]

[lswot]

Hope that's synthohol!

And spoil the taste.

[Henry J]

Meade's Maxim: Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.

Muir's Law: When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.

Newlan's Truism: An acceptable level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

Ninety-Ninety Rule Of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

Nolan's Placebo: An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

Nowlan's Theory: He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.

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[Henry J]

Oliver's Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Orben's Packaging Discovery: For the first time in history, one bag of groceries produces two bags of trash.

Osborn's Law: Variables won't, constants aren't.

Ozman's Laws: If someone says he will do something without fail, he won't. The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.

O'Reilly's Law of the Kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible

O'Toole's Commentary On Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist.

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[Henry J]

Parkinson's Laws:

First Law: Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

Second Law: Expenditures rise to meet income.

Fourth Law: The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.

Law of Committees: The amount of time spent by a committee on an agenda item is inversely proportional to the cost of the item.

Fifth Law: If there is a way to delay an important decision, a good bureaucracy, public or private, will find it.

Sixth Law: Action expands to fill the void created by human failure.

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[Henry J]

School Joke Collection

Do you know the 20th President of the United States?
No, we were never introduced!

Teacher, I can't solve this problem.
Any five year old should be able to solve this one.
No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten!

Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?
Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!

What did the computer do at lunchtime?
Had a byte!

Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
Well he should have got up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else!

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[lswot]

"Fourth Law: The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done."

I think that should be.....the number of people in any working group tends to DECREASE regardless of the amount of work.

[Xjmt]

"Fourth Law: The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done."

I think that should be.....the number of people in any working group tends to DECREASE regardless of the amount of work.

[lswot]