Recycling

[Henry J]

Fax is stranger than fiction.

[Henry J]

Don't byte off more than you can view.

[Henry J]

The geek shall inherit the earth.

[Henry J]

The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail.

[Henry J]

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

[Henry J]

A man is in the hospital after getting drunk and swallowing 120 coins on a bet. Doctors monitoring his situation say, so far, no change.

[Henry J]

Hitchhiking on a dark night, a man sees a car coming toward him. When it stops, he hops in the passenger seat.

No one is behind the wheel. But, suddenly, the car starts moving. The man looks down the road and sees a curve coming up. He panics and reaches for the steering wheel. But then a hand reaches through the window and turns the wheel, smoothly navigating the turn. Paralyzed with terror, the man watches as the hand appears before every curve.

When the car finally coasts to a stop, the man gets out and runs to a bar and tells everybody about his amazing experience.

Pretty soon, two guys walk into the bar. "Look, Pete," one says, "it's the guy who got in the car while we were pushing it."

*****

[Henry J]

Two women were talking about their trips to Switzerland.

The first woman asked the second whether she had enjoyed the beautiful scenery.

"Not really", she replied. "I couldn't see much because of the mountains."

*****

[Henry J]

Two tour groups visited England. They happened to rent a double-decker bus, with one group downstairs and the other upstairs.

The downstairs group was singing and dancing and the group upstairs just sat there. Finally, one of the downstairs people went upstairs and asked why they weren't having as much fun.

"It's easy for you to relax and have fun," said one of the upstairs guys, "You have a driver."

*****

[Henry J]

A woman had just taken her driving test when a police car came up behind them, sirens wailing, lights flashing.

"Was I speeding?" she asked the officer, after both cars pulled over.

"No," said the officer. "But you ARE driving a stolen vehicle."

Smiling awkwardly, the woman turned to the test examiner. "Does this mean I failed my test?", she asked.

*****

[Henry J]

If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE.....

[Henry J]

If at first you don't succeed -- try management.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

Never quit until you have another job.

If you can read this, you're not working!

[Henry J]

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

Pride, commitment, teamwork -- words we use to get you to work for free.

Succeed in spite of management.

Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.

[Henry J]

Patient: "My arm hurts when I do this."

Doc: "Then don't do that!"

[Henry J]

A guy walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000.

The bank officers says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the guy hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, parked on the street, in front of the bank.

Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the guy returns and repays the $5000, and the interest, which is $15.41.

The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5000?"

The guy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for $15.00?"

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